Holy Sauce! Vatican Considers Canonization of Cheesus Crust, Patron Saint of Pizza
Chip ByteleyThe aroma of simmering marinara and rising dough fills the hallowed halls of the Vatican of Pizza, as a weighty…
Read MoreJesus or Chocolate? Theologians Debate True Meaning of Easter Amidst Candy Coma Epidemic
Sugar vs. Salvation: Theologians Debate the True Meaning of Easter as Candy Coma Cases Rise As Easter baskets overflow with…
Read MoreIDF Leader’s Controversial Claim: “Grass is a Complete Daily Meal”
Polly TickleIn a statement that has sparked outrage and disbelief, a leader within the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) has been quoted…
Read MoreTucker Carlson and Vladimir Putin’s Unexpected Sitcom Venture
The surprising revelation that Tucker Carlson and Vladimir Putin are set to co-star in a sitcom has flipped the media…
Read MoreScientists Announce Breakthrough: A Coffee That Actually Makes Meetings Interesting
Scientists have unveiled a mind-blowing breakthrough: a coffee that makes meetings actually interesting. Dubbed “Focus Fuel,” this revolutionary beverage boasts…
Read MoreStudy Reveals New Yorkers Spend 90% of Income on Rent, 10% on Complaining About It
NEW YORK – A groundbreaking economic study has revealed that New Yorkers have achieved an unparalleled level of financial efficiency.…
Read MoreFlorida Man Attempts to Sue Hurricane, Demands “Change of Venue”
“Your Honor, This Storm is Ruining My Vibe!” Florida Man’s Landmark Case to Stop Hurricane MIAMI, FL – In a…
Read MoreParents Praise Shrinkflation for Providing ‘Automatic Portion Control’ for Kids’ Snack Times
In a surprising twist to the tale of shrinkflation, a phenomenon that has seen consumers getting less product for their…
Read MoreUS Approves F-16 Fighter Jets Sale to Turkey: Erdogan Plans Air Show Over Greece
In a satirical twist on international military deals, the United States’ approval of F-16 fighter jet sales to Turkey has…
Read MoreICJ Orders Israel to Stop Acts of Genocide: Israel Asks for Definition of ‘Stop’
In the realm of international law, instances arise that illuminate not only the gravitas of legal discourse but also the…
Read MoreBig Pharma Announces Plans to Patent Air, Citing Years of R&D
Major pharmaceutical conglomerates, in a brazen show of corporate ambition, have announced together a plan to patent the very air…
Read MoreItaly’s Migrant Detention Centers To Be Transformed Into Spas
In a stunning and apparently ludicrous move that has raised skeptical eyebrows and spa robes throughout the world, the Italian…
Read MoreGrammar Police Announce New Task Force to Tackle the Misuse of Literally; Literally Everyone Worried
A ripple of dread has spread through the English-speaking world as the Grammar Police announced the formation of the “Special…
Read MoreA Sweet Dystopia: Lindt’s Easter Egg Apocalypse
Lindt, the vanguard of velvety chocolate indulgences, has issued a stark warning ahead of Easter: the bunnies might not make…
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Starbucks Introduces Conflict-Resolution Lattes Amid Boycott Buzz
In a bold and somewhat unconventional strategy, Starbucks has responded to the escalating wave of boycotts with the unveiling of…
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