By Chip Byteley
In a heartwarming display of international cooperation, world leaders have come together this International Women’s Day to announce a groundbreaking solution to the gender pay gap: simply pretending it doesn’t exist.
“The gender pay gap? Never heard of her,” declares a chipper world leader, adjusting a very expensive power suit. “Sounds like something out of a fairytale, alongside dragons and…those sparkly horses with horns?”
Economists, stunned into silence by this collective act of denial, are scrambling to rewrite their textbooks. Stock photos of successful businesswomen shaking hands with men are being airbrushed to eliminate the stacks of cash one invariably holds and the other doesn’t.
Social media is predictably ablaze. Memes featuring the “Gender Pay Gap Monster” with a dollar sign for a head are juxtaposed with photos of celebratory champagne toasts. #MythicalWageGap trends alongside #ThisIsInsulting.
Women’s rights organizations, unsurprisingly, are not amused. “Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it disappear,” emphasizes a weary activist, holding a protest sign shaped like a very unimpressed unicorn. “This is gaslighting on a global scale!”
Meanwhile, corporations are taking full advantage of the situation. “See? We always paid our female employees fairly!” crows one CEO, conveniently forgetting the ongoing lawsuits against his company for ahem alleged wage discrimination.
The scientific community is also facing pressure. Researchers studying the gender pay gap are being encouraged to pivot to more “mythical creature-focused” research areas, like “The Economic Impact of Goblin Hoards” or “How to Negotiate a Raise with a Mermaid.”
Whether this mass delusion will solve the very real problem of gender pay inequality remains to be seen. But one thing’s for sure: come next International Women’s Day, we can all look forward to celebrating the continued existence of powerful female…unicorns? Dragons in boardrooms? Maybe next year we’ll tackle real equality.
Liv N. Large 
Polly Tickle