By Polly Tickle
for International Women’s Day world leaders have unanimously agreed to step aside and let women run the show. Expectations are high, with many predicting world peace, cured diseases, and balanced budgets by midday. Prepare for disappointment folks, because this is about to get messy.
The handover is a chaotic affair. Presidents, Prime Ministers, and CEOs reluctantly vacate their leather chairs, leaving behind half-finished power lunches and suspiciously untouched strategy documents. Women, equally unprepared for this abrupt power grab, step tentatively into the spotlight.
First order of business: cleaning up the mess. Decades-old conflicts resemble petulant children’s food fights. Financial spreadsheets induce migraines. And who left all these urgent memos unanswered in a pile marked “Maybe If I Ignore It, It’ll Magically Resolve Itself?”
“This is worse than we thought,” gasps the newly appointed UN Secretary-General, former teacher, and multitasking-mom extraordinaire. “Did no one ever take out the trash around here?”
Meanwhile, former leaders, now relegated to support roles, flounder spectacularly. A disgraced CEO sobs into a pile of pink sticky notes he can’t decipher. Legislators attempt to negotiate a playground squabble with the diplomatic finesse of angry toddlers.
Social media is a glorious dumpster fire (though, was it not already?). Conspiracy theories abound about women’s “secret agenda” (apparently it includes color-coordinated filing systems and a ban on shouting over each other in meetings). Predictably, the phrase “women are too emotional” is uttered – unironically – by a former world leader throwing a tantrum because his stapler is missing.
By noon, the initial optimism has faded. World peace remains elusive (turns out compromise is harder than Twitter rants). The economy is somehow more baffling than before. However, there have been minor victories: conference rooms smell faintly of sanity, and someone finally figured out how to work the coffee machine.
As the day ends, exhausted women hand back the reins of power, politely hiding their eye rolls. Have things improved overnight? Not even close. But has the world witnessed a much-needed demonstration of just how much work, often invisible and underpaid, women do? Absolutely.
Will leaders gain newfound respect? Doubtful. But perhaps, just perhaps, a few cracked egos and a stack of overdue to-do lists will spark a long-overdue conversation about how valuing women’s contributions, and actually listening to them, could benefit us all. Okay, maybe that’s optimistic, but it’s International Women’s Day – a girl can dream.
Chip Byteley