By Chip Byteley
Local man Trevor Thompson has become an unlikely champion of women’s equality after announcing he’s finally figured out how to use the washing machine.
“It only took me thirty-something years, but I did it!” declared Trevor, holding a mismatched sock aloft as if it were a Nobel Prize. “Turns out, those dials and buttons actually have a purpose. Who knew?”
News of Trevor’s domestic breakthrough spread like wildfire. Women, long burdened by both paid labor and the invisible workload of housework, wept tears of joy mixed with bitter resignation. Feminist groups debated whether to award him honorary membership or simply be grateful for this depressingly low bar of progress.
Trevor, meanwhile, is basking in his newfound status. Local news outlets hail him as a “pioneer of domestic equality.” Talk shows clamor for interviews about his revolutionary journey from laundry incompetence to slightly-less-incompetent. His social media is flooded with praise (“You’re an inspiration!” types one overly enthusiastic fan) and pleas for help deciphering clothing tag hieroglyphics from other hapless men.
Naturally, Trevor is monetizing his fame. His online course, “Laundry for Dudes: It’s Not Rocket Science (But Kinda Close If You’re Me)” is selling briskly. There’s even talk of a book deal: “The Tao of Tide Pods: Finding Enlightenment in the Laundry Room.”
Yet, amidst the celebration, there’s an undercurrent of unease. “Should we be applauding grown men for learning basic life skills?” ponders one exasperated commentator. “The fact this is considered heroic speaks volumes about the inequality women still face.”
Undeterred, Trevor plans his next act of domestic daring: figuring out the dishwasher. “Apparently, dishes don’t magically clean themselves,” he muses, oblivious to the collective eye-rolls of women everywhere.
Whether Trevor’s newfound laundry prowess sparks a revolution in male competence remains to be seen. One thing’s for sure: the next International Women’s Day, the hope is we’ll be celebrating more than men figuring out that washing machines don’t run on magic and wishful thinking.
Liv N. Large 
Polly Tickle