By Polly Tickle
Hold the Avocado! Meghan Sparks Royal Rift and Global Crisis with Toast Obsession
Buckingham Palace is in a state of uproar and grocery stores worldwide are facing a dire shortage amidst what the tabloids are dubbing “The Great Butter Debacle of 2024.” The culprit? Meghan Markle’s well-publicized obsession with avocado toast.
The Duchess of Sussex, known for her healthy lifestyle choices, has apparently taken her love for the trendy breakfast to new heights. Royal insiders whisper of entire crates of avocados delivered daily, with Meghan experimenting with variations like “Sriracha Surprise” and “Truffle Twist.”
This surge in royal avocado consumption has had a devastating ripple effect. Butter prices have skyrocketed, with reports of panicked consumers hoarding tubs in their freezers. The global avocado trade is in a frenzy, and farmers in California are making a mint.
The situation has ignited an unexpected feud within the Royal Family. Prince Charles, a staunch defender of traditional marmalade toast, reportedly muttered something about “commoner foods” during a recent breakfast. The Queen, ever diplomatic, was spotted attempting to spread rock-hard avocado on a piece of toast, with disastrous results.
Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, has cleverly capitalized on the situation. She was photographed enjoying a simple boiled egg and soldiers, sparking a new wave of “practical breakfast” trends.
The “Buttergate” scandal has even reached Parliament. Opposing factions now refer to themselves as “Team Avocado” and “Back to Butter Basics.” Economists warn of a “potential toast-led recession” if the crisis continues.
Social media is ablaze with memes and satire:
- “If only Meghan had stuck to peanut butter, this disaster could have been avoided” – @FrustratedBaker
- “Just crown the avocados already, and let’s get on with it” – @RoyalWatcher88
Desperate citizens are resorting to avocado substitutes, with mashed banana toast gaining reluctant popularity. The Butter Producers Guild has launched a tear-jerking ad campaign featuring sad-eyed cows.
When reached for comment, Meghan simply smiled and offered a cryptic quote: “Every day is a chance for a fresh, healthy start. Sometimes that just comes with a side of guacamole.”
Chip Byteley