By Polly Tickle
In a bold move that has game theorists and political pundits alike scrambling for their textbooks, Russia has unveiled the world’s first ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ election. Citizens will be presented with a ballot that resembles a flowchart more than a traditional voting slip, complete with options that branch off into different political storylines.
“The beauty of this system,” said the head of the Russian Electoral Commission, “is that it combines the thrill of democracy with the excitement of a good book. Why cast a boring old vote when you can navigate the thrilling corridors of power, making choices that lead to more choices?”
Critics have labeled the initiative as nothing more than a façade of choice, citing that all narrative paths suspiciously lead to the same ending – a win for the incumbent. However, officials insist that there are multiple endings, including some where you get a tiger as a pet or find a secret treasure map in the Kremlin.
Voters will begin their election adventure by choosing whether to open the mysterious envelope marked ‘State Secrets’ or the one labeled ‘Just the Usual’. From there, the possibilities are touted as being ‘almost endless’, with options ranging from ‘Implement Economic Reforms’ to ‘Annex a Friendly Neighbourhood’.
In a sample ballot seen by our correspondents, one choice prompts: “If you wish to increase pensions, turn to section 5A. If you want to host another international sporting event, turn to section 12B. If you’re looking for a plot twist, please vote again in six years.”
International observers have been invited to participate in the adventure by choosing their own path through a convoluted maze of bureaucracy to ‘Find the Real Results’. Meanwhile, young voters are particularly excited about the addition of mythical creatures and space battles, elements not traditionally associated with the electoral process.
As the Russian public prepares for this novel approach to governance, many are left wondering if this could be the future of elections worldwide. Will the next U.S. election see voters choosing whether to build a moon base or solve climate change? Only time, and the choices of the voters, will tell.
Chip Byteley