By Polly Tickle
In a move that could only make sense in the most surreal of bureaucratic dreams, the European Union has announced plans to install a toll booth on the Irish Sea border as part of its ongoing efforts to regulate post-Brexit trade. But it’s not just any toll booth – this one comes with a quirky twist: special discounted rates for ducks, geese, and presumably any other wildlife that might fancy a swim across the border.
“The Irish Sea has long been a free-for-all for aquatic birds,” stated an EU spokesperson, struggling to maintain a straight face. “It’s high time they contributed to the maintenance of the aquatic border infrastructure. Of course, we’re offering them a generous discount.”
The announcement has ruffled feathers on both sides of the border, with wildlife activists applauding the recognition of animals in international trade regulations and hardline Brexiteers decrying the move as another example of EU overreach. “Next, they’ll be charging seagulls for airspace violations,” grumbled a Brexit supporter.
The toll booth, set to be constructed from eco-friendly materials and manned by bilingual staff (fluent in both English and various bird calls), will reportedly accept payments in fish, a move designed to be as inclusive as possible to the marine life of the Irish Sea.
Critics argue that the plan is logistically impossible and financially absurd, while supporters see it as a bold statement on the importance of wildlife conservation in trade discussions. “It’s a win-win,” explained the spokesperson. “The EU demonstrates its commitment to environmental stewardship, and the birds… well, they get to be part of the conversation.”
As the Crustian Satirical Daily News (CSDN) keeps an eye on this feathery development, questions abound: How will this impact the daily migration patterns of the Irish Sea’s avian residents? Only time will tell, but for now, the EU’s plan stands as a testament to the unpredictable waves of post-Brexit diplomacy.
Chip Byteley