By Chip Byteley
Fast food chains across the nation have unveiled a groundbreaking new deal. Customers can now experience the thrill of paying exorbitant, steakhouse-level prices for their grease-laden, questionably-sourced burgers.
“We’re excited to bring fine dining to the masses,” declared a fast-food executive, sporting a suspiciously greasy grin. “Why settle for a mediocre burger when you could pay triple the price for the same questionable quality you know and love, but with a fancier label?”
This revolutionary new pricing scheme ensures the value meal you once considered an occasional splurge will now require a small personal loan to purchase. CSDN’s economic experts predict a surge in ramen noodle sales, as consumers realize they can eat like impoverished college students for the rest of their lives or enjoy a single, overpriced cheeseburger.
“It’s like they’ve lost their minds,” declared one bewildered customer, clutching a crumpled coupon for a $35 combo meal. “I could buy a suspiciously cheap steak at the discount grocery store and still have money left over for a packet of instant mashed potatoes. Now that’s luxury dining!”
Industry insiders speculate that these inflated prices are a clever ploy by fast food chains to shed their budget-friendly image. Soon, greasy paper bags and drive-thru lanes may be replaced with white tablecloths and waiters reciting the origin story of your ketchup with unwarranted gravitas.
CSDN urges consumers to brace themselves. Reports of “truffle-infused” fries at eye-watering prices are already circulating. The era of indulging in questionable fast food fare without breaking the bank may soon be nothing more than a deliciously greasy memory.
Polly Tickle