FDA Approves Photosynthesis as Dietary Supplement

In a groundbreaking decision that’s got everyone from nutritionists to houseplants buzzing, the FDA has approved photosynthesis as an official dietary supplement. This revolutionary move allows Americans to finally tap into the energy of the sun, bypassing traditional food sources like fast food and, dare we say, kale.

Dubbed “ChloroFill,” the new supplement involves a simple once-daily application of a green, leafy spray that users can apply directly to their skin. Upon exposure to sunlight, the spray activates, allowing individuals to convert sunlight into usable energy, essentially enabling them to “eat light.”

Dieticians are hailing it as a “green miracle,” suggesting that it might just be the solution to the obesity epidemic. “Why consume calories when you can consume lumens?” one enthusiastic expert remarked. Meanwhile, the tanning industry is experiencing unexpected growth, as citizens flock to tanning beds not for the bronzed look, but for a quick snack.

Environmentalists are over the moon—or perhaps, over the sun—about the potential reduction in agriculture’s carbon footprint. “If we can feed people directly from the sun, imagine how many acres of farmland we can return to nature,” one environmental advocate suggested, clearly envisioning a world where forests reclaim Walmart parking lots.

However, skeptics remain. Critics point out the potential for overindulgence, coining the term “sun-snacking,” to describe the act of basking in sunlight with the intention of skipping meals. Concerns about the long-term effects of “chronic photosynthesis,” including turning a shade of green, are still under study.

As America prepares to lean into this luminous new food source, the rest of the world watches eagerly, perhaps ready to turn over a new leaf in their own dietary habits. Will photosynthesis revolutionize eating forever? Only time will tell, but for now, the future certainly looks bright.