By Polly Tickle
In a development that has cartographers weeping and travel agents utterly bewildered, a Florida Man has made a groundbreaking discovery: Africa is a continent! Inspired by this newfound knowledge, he promptly booked an “African safari adventure” to none other than Disney’s Animal Kingdom in Orlando.
“I always thought Africa was, like, a country or something,” admitted the sunburned, slightly dazed Floridian. “Turns out, it’s huge! And they got all the animals – lions, elephants, the whole deal. Lucky for me, there’s a piece of it right here in Florida!”
News of his revelation rippled through his friend group, comprised mainly of fellow NASCAR enthusiasts and alligator wrestling aficionados. “I ain’t never been outta the state,” confessed his best friend, “Maybe I should check out this Africa place too. Hear they got good barbecue down there.”
Travel agencies experienced a surge in confused phone calls. “Folks are asking me for flights to ‘the Kilimanjaro area’, thinking it’s near Space Mountain’,” reports one exasperated agent. “I spend half my day explaining basic geography and the other half suppressing hysterical laughter.”
Social media erupts in a predictable wildfire of mockery and bewilderment. “Florida Man: single-handedly lowering the world’s average IQ!” tweets a snarky commentator. “Maybe he’ll get eaten by the animatronic hippos,” offers a less-than-sympathetic observer. Meanwhile, someone suggests a petition to send all Florida Men on a mandatory field trip to an actual library.
Yet, the Florida Man remains unfazed, already packing his camouflage cargo shorts and binoculars. “Gonna see some real wildlife,” he declares, mistaking a flock of plastic flamingos for exotic birds. “Bet they even have one of those talking trees like in ‘The Lion King’.”
As he prepares for his grand adventure amidst the air-conditioned, meticulously themed ambiance of Disney’s Africa, the rest of the world can only shake their heads in disbelief. This incident serves as a stark reminder: sometimes, the most dangerous territories to explore are the uncharted ones within our own minds.