By Chip Byteley
In a startling revelation that’s shaking brunch tables worldwide, climate experts have issued a grave warning: ignoring climate change might lead to the extinction of avocados. This potential future has sparked an unprecedented outcry among millennials, whose culinary and social media lifestyles are heavily intertwined with the beloved fruit.
The report, titled “The Guac-apocalypse: Climate Change and the Future of Avocados,” details how rising temperatures, unpredictable weather patterns, and increased pests, all exacerbated by climate change, are threatening avocado crops globally. “If current trends continue, the world could face a future where guacamole becomes a luxury, and ‘avocado toast’ a relic of the past,” the report solemnly states.
Millennials across the globe are responding with a mix of horror, disbelief, and mobilization. Social media has been flooded with hashtags like #SaveTheAvocados and #GreenNotGone, accompanied by images of empty toast plates and guacamole bowls. “It’s like losing a part of our identity,” laments a millennial food blogger, “Avocados aren’t just food; they’re a cultural symbol.”
In a humorous twist, the Crustianity Church has stepped in, offering ‘avocado confessionals’ for those who’ve previously dismissed climate change. “Come repent for your carbon sins and learn how to save our sacred avocados,” announces a Crustian pastor, sporting a robe adorned with avocado prints. “It’s time we take climate change seriously, or our Sunday brunches will never be the same.”
The report has inadvertently turned avocados into a symbol of the climate crisis among younger generations. Environmental groups are capitalizing on this, launching campaigns and initiatives aimed at raising awareness about the broader impacts of climate change. “If the threat to avocados is what it takes to get people to act, then so be it,” says an environmental activist.
The satirical aspect of the situation belies a serious undertone. Experts hope that this peculiar rallying cry might be a wake-up call, bringing attention to the more severe and far-reaching consequences of climate change.
Meanwhile, economists predict a surge in avocado prices, advising consumers to brace themselves for a future where avocado-based dishes could become a rare delicacy. The culinary world is already exploring alternatives, but as one chef puts it, “Nothing can truly replace the avocado.”
Liv N. Large 
Polly Tickle