By Chip Byteley
In a tale that speaks to the harsh economic realities faced by an entire generation, a local man, identified only as Brian B., has tragically declared bankruptcy – not due to crushing student loans or exorbitant healthcare costs, but due to an uncontrollable avocado habit.
“It started innocently enough,” Brian laments, surrounded by a mountain of discarded avocado pits. “Just some avocado toast to feel fancy, you know? But then there were the guac bowls, the avocado smoothies….it was a slippery slope slathered in healthy fats.”
As Brian’s avocado obsession spiraled, so did his credit card debt. “One day I was choosing between rent and a perfectly ripe organic avocado,” he recalls, a single tear rolling down his cheek. “Reader, I chose the avocado.”
News of Brian’s bankruptcy has sent shockwaves through the millennial community. Avocado toast, once the symbol of a generation, is now viewed with suspicion. “I knew they were too good to be true,” tweets one disillusioned foodie. Social media is flooded with #avocadobankruptcy memes and mournful photos of once-beloved brunch plates.
Economists, long fascinated by millennials’ baffling financial choices, see Brian’s story as a cautionary tale. “It’s a case study in overpriced produce and the dangers of lifestyle inflation,” warns financial expert Emily Cents. “When your snacks cost more than your retirement plan, something’s gotta give.”
In the wake of this crisis, support groups for avocado addicts are forming. Restaurants hastily rebrand, removing the word “avocado” from menus entirely. Grocery stores now have “Avocado-Free” aisles for those fearing temptation.
Brian, meanwhile, remains philosophical amidst his financial ruin. “At least I have a clean bill of health?” he offers weakly, eyeing a suspiciously green banana with trepidation.
Whether this marks the end of the avocado craze or just a hiccup in the millennial quest for the perfect Instagrammable meal remains to be seen. One thing’s for sure: an entire generation will now think twice before splurging on that extra guac.
Liv N. Large 
Polly Tickle