By Polly Tickle
Sources close to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu hint at a bold move to counteract his plummeting approval ratings: a foray into financial fraud aimed at bolstering public support. With popularity levels hitting historic lows, the Prime Minister’s office is reportedly exploring innovative “fundraising” techniques to sway public opinion.
“Let’s just say, we’re thinking outside the ballot box,” quipped an anonymous source, seen leafing through a ‘Financial Shenanigans for Dummies’ book. “If people won’t love us for our policies, maybe they’ll appreciate our creative accounting.”
Political analysts are baffled by the rumored strategy, with some suggesting that Netanyahu might be aiming to set records not just in political longevity but also in financial creativity. “It’s a novel approach,” admitted one expert, “combining the thrill of white-collar crime with the desperation of a reality TV show finale.”
In response to these rumors, the Guinness World Records has preemptively denied any application for “Most Innovative Use of Financial Fraud to Improve Political Fortunes.” A spokesperson for Guinness stated, “We celebrate achievements in human excellence, not excellence in human chicanery.”
As the news spreads, satirists and cartoonists have had a field day, depicting Netanyahu in a variety of heists—from robbing a bank with a Likud flag to hacking into the World Bank’s servers. “Why bother with campaign donations when you can just embezzle them?” joked one late-night host, drawing laughter and applause.
The Israeli public, meanwhile, remains skeptical of the rumors. “I don’t know if financial fraud will fix his approval ratings, but it’s certainly an innovative way to fund a retirement plan,” commented one Tel Aviv resident, barely looking up from their morning newspaper.
As for Netanyahu, he has yet to confirm or deny these audacious plans. However, insiders report an uptick in orders for calculators and shredders at the Prime Minister’s office, suggesting that something is afoot. Whether this will lead to a miraculous turnaround in public opinion or just more fodder for the satire mills remains to be seen.