By Chip Byteley
In the ever-evolving world of online dating, where swipes left and right dictate romantic fates, a groundbreaking new app is flipping the script on love’s battlefield. “HaterMates,” the latest innovation in matchmaking technology, promises to find your perfect partner based on a foundation of mutual aversions, from pineapple on pizza to the sound of chewing.
Gone are the days of bonding over shared interests and mutual hobbies. In a world overwhelmed by positivity and the pressure to “like” everything, HaterMates offers a refreshing oasis of negativity. Users are prompted to list their pet peeves, unpopular opinions, and personal deal-breakers upon signup, ranging from disdain for slow walkers to an unyielding hatred of spoilers.
The app’s algorithm, dubbed “The Misery Matcher,” then sifts through these litanies of dislikes to pair individuals whose hatreds not only align but promise a future of harmonious grumbling. “It’s about more than just disliking the same things,” explains HaterMates founder, Ima Grouch. “It’s about finding someone whose soul groans in the same key as yours.”
Critics and singles alike are buzzing over the app’s unconventional approach. “It’s revolutionary,” says early user Anita Eye-Roll. “My last date and I spent a magical evening complaining about everything from reality TV to people who talk in movie theaters. I’ve never felt so understood.”
HaterMates also features a range of disdain-driven date ideas, such as attending a movie you both expect to loathe or dining at a poorly reviewed restaurant, ensuring that every date ends with both parties feeling vindicated in their shared contempt.
Despite its novelty, the app has not been without controversy. Some psychologists warn that a relationship built on mutual dislikes might encourage negativity. However, Grouch counters, “What’s stronger than the bond of shared annoyance? Our users are finding love in honesty, in being real about what they can’t stand. It’s not negative; it’s authentic.”
With plans to expand their database of dislikes and introduce group hate dates for a more communal loathing experience, HaterMates is on the fast track to redefining modern romance. In a sea of swipes and superficial connections, it turns out that love might just be a four-letter word: hate.
Polly Tickle 
Liv N. Large