By Polly Tickle
Portugal’s far-right “Partido da Sesta” (Siesta Party) is surging in popularity with its unorthodox central campaign promise: a mandatory siesta for the entire nation.
“We understand the Portuguese people,” declares party leader Álvaro adormecido (Álvaro Sleepy in English), a man whose name and perpetually droopy eyelids perfectly embody the party’s platform. “We’ve been sleep-deprived for centuries! From the Reconquista to the financial crisis, we’ve never gotten a good night’s rest. It’s time to reclaim our birthright – the glorious siesta!”
The Siesta Party’s manifesto is a love letter to napping. Mandatory afternoon shut-eye, they argue, will boost national happiness, productivity (through well-rested workers, natch), and even tourism (picture hordes of siesta-envious tourists flocking to Portugal for a mandatory midday snooze).
Critics, unsurprisingly, are wide awake with indignation. “This is insanity!” scoffs Luisa Desvelada (Luisa Wide-Awake), a spokesperson for Portugal’s leading business association. “The world runs on a 24-hour clock. Who will answer our international calls while we’re all snoring?”
Social media is a battleground of memes. Supporters post idyllic images of people napping in hammocks, while opponents counter with photos of deserted offices and snoozing surgeons. #SiestaPower and #NationalNappingNightmare are trending fiercely.
Even the usually staid political establishment is bewildered. “We’ve seen populist platforms, but this takes the cake… or rather, the nap,” mutters a weary-looking Prime Minister, clearly in need of a siesta himself.
Whether Portugal will become the world’s first napping nation remains to be seen. One thing’s for sure: the upcoming election promises to be a real snoozer… unless, of course, the mandatory siesta is already in effect. In that case, good night (or rather, good afternoon) and good luck deciphering the election results.
Chip Byteley