By Chip Byteley
In a twist that could only happen in the age of crowd-funded science experiments, a group of dedicated Flat Earthers launched their own satellite into space, hoping to debunk centuries of scientific consensus once and for all. However, the mission, dubbed “Operation Flat-Snap,” took an unexpected turn when the satellite began transmitting images that clearly showed a spherical Earth.
The Flat Earth Society, known for its staunch belief that the Earth is as flat as a pancake, raised millions through bake sales featuring a variety of flatbreads and a surprisingly successful GoFundMe campaign. “We were tired of relying on so-called ‘scientific evidence’ provided by agencies with acronyms,” stated the group’s leader, who prefers to be known as “Pizzatoppa Flattoni.” “We wanted to see the truth with our own eyes.”
The satellite, affectionately named “FlatFinder One,” was equipped with the latest in high-definition camera technology, designed to finally capture the Earth’s true shape, or lack thereof. However, as the first images were beamed back to Earth, excitement turned to confusion among the group’s members. The pictures, indisputably, showed a round Earth, complete with the kind of curvature that many Flat Earthers had vehemently argued against.
In response to these spherical images, the Flat Earth Society convened an emergency meeting. “The images are clearly being manipulated by the same forces that have been deceiving humanity for centuries,” claimed Flattoni, refusing to accept the spherical evidence. “Our satellite has been hijacked by round-Earth propagandists. Or, perhaps the lenses are just very, very curved.”
Social media has been abuzz with reactions, with #FlatFinderOne quickly trending worldwide. Scientists and space enthusiasts have seized the opportunity to educate on the principles of satellite imagery and the basics of planetary science, though many Flat Earthers remain unconvinced.
“We’re not saying the Earth is round,” one member explained, squinting at the images. “We’re just saying that, from a certain angle, and with enough manipulation, anything can look round.”
The Flat Earth Society is reportedly planning their next steps, which may include launching a balloon with a flat camera or simply denying the existence of space altogether. Meanwhile, the rest of the world continues to orbit around the sun, much like the round images sent back by FlatFinder One.