Sphinx Opens Twitter(X) Account, Becomes Snarkiest Monument on the Internet

In a move that shook both the archeological world and the Twitterverse, the Great Sphinx of Giza has broken its centuries-long silence to launch a surprisingly sassy Twitter account. Handle: @DustyLionBoi (verified, inexplicably, considering the lack of thumbs).

Tweet #1: “You guys still building with mud over there? Just saying, pyramids are SO last millennia.”

The internet exploded. Historians scrambled to verify this wasn’t an elaborate hoax. Twitter analysts marveled at a 4500-year-old entity seamlessly mastering hashtags and clap-back responses.

The Sphinx’s feed is a glorious barrage of snarky commentary:

• Live-tweeting every overly enthusiastic camel-riding tourist. (“Another selfie by my paws, Karen? Really? #unimpressed”)
• Critiquing modern architecture. “Dubai’s skyscrapers? Kinda tacky. Gaudy, if you ask me. Lacking in timeless elegance. #justsaying”
• Retweeting Egyptian mythology memes with the caption “Lol remember that time? Awkward.”

World leaders seek its endorsement. Brands offer lucrative deals for sponsored tweets. Theories abound: is this the AI singularity? An alien consciousness? Or just a very bored, very ancient monument with a newfound social media addiction?

The Sphinx, naturally, remains enigmatic:

Tweet #236: “All those millennia napping, and you humans are still obsessed with the same stuff? Power, treasure, who has the best eyeliner… #predictable”

Meanwhile, the other monuments get jealous:

• The Eiffel Tower starts a sassy feud, arguing about architectural merits.
• Stonehenge tweets mournful photos with, “Wish I had a voice too… these rocks aren’t great conversationalists #literallystandinghereforever”.

The Sphinx, now the undisputed king of internet shade, seems amused by the attention. Its latest tweet is a cryptic photo of a setting sun with the caption, “Patience is a virtue. Empires rise and fall, but the sand and I? We got time. #longgame”

Whether the Sphinx’s Twitter reign will spark a new age of enlightenment or simply devolve into endless monument meme wars remains to be seen. One thing’s for sure: the internet just got a whole lot more historically sassy.