By Chip Byteley
Former U.S. President Donald Trump and billionaire space aficionado Elon Musk have announced a joint venture that is literally out of this world. Dubbed “Making Mars Great Again,” the initiative aims to extend the contentious political slogan to the red planet, promising to bring unparalleled luxury, exclusive golf courses, and, somehow, a fully operational Trump Tower to Martian soil.
The announcement, made during a spectacle that outshone even the most elaborate of Musk’s SpaceX launches, was met with a mixture of bewilderment, laughter, and a creeping suspicion that reality might just be a poorly written sitcom. Trump, donning a space suit emblazoned with his familiar campaign logo, declared, “Mars is tremendous, folks. It’s red, which I’ve always said is a winning color. It’s time we made it great, just like we did with America.”
Musk, never one to be outdone in the arena of ambitious promises, outlined the technical side of the venture. “We’re talking about terraforming Mars with the best, the greatest technology. Think big, beautiful domes with the finest oxygen money can buy,” Musk enthused, while unveiling a prototype Mars rover shaped suspiciously like a Tesla.
Critics have been quick to point out the numerous challenges facing the venture, not least of which include the minor details of sustaining human life on a planet with no breathable atmosphere, water, or, indeed, golf courses. However, Trump and Musk have brushed aside such concerns with characteristic bravado. “Obstacles are just opportunities in disguise,” Trump asserted, while Musk nodded, adding, “And remember, high risk equals high reward. Plus, think of the Instagram content.”
Environmentalists have raised alarms over the potential for interplanetary pollution, fearing that Mars might soon resemble a galactic landfill, littered with the remnants of failed Trump real estate ventures and obsolete Tesla models. However, supporters of the project argue that it represents a bold step forward for humanity, or at least for those wealthy enough to afford a ticket on Musk’s Starship.
As “Making Mars Great Again” trends on social media, with netizens offering suggestions ranging from interstellar immigration policies to Martian electoral college systems, the world watches with bated breath. Will Mars become the exclusive playground of the ultra-rich, or will this ambitious venture collapse under the weight of its own hubris? Only time, and possibly the next episode of this cosmic reality show, will tell.
Polly Tickle