Historians Admit All Historical Events Are Just Elaborate Hoaxes

The Greatest Story Ever Told

According to the consortium, the entire timeline of human history has been carefully crafted by a secretive group of master storytellers known as “The Scribes of Yore.” This astonishing revelation provides a satisfactory explanation for why numerous historical events mirror narrative structures and themes that are prevalent in the world of literature, including the rise and fall of civilizations, the inherent conflict and resolution seen throughout history, and the universally recognized hero’s journey.

Manufacturing Mythos

In the process of creating these elaborate historical fabrications, an immense amount of planning and artful deception went into the making of artifacts, forged documents, and even entire languages. “The Rosetta Stone? Merely a prop for our elaborate play. The Constitution of the United States? Think of it more as fan fiction by our creative contributors. The Pyramids? Let’s just say we have a guy who’s good with large-scale props,” candidly disclosed Dr. April F. Ools, the spokesperson for the consortium. She further emphasized, “It’s all about the art of world-building, and we’ve been the unsung pioneers of this craft.”

Implications for the Present

The ramifications of such a disclosure are profound, casting a shadow of doubt over everything we accept as historical fact. This shift has caused a major uproar in academic circles, prompting immediate revisions and debates concerning educational curriculums. Monuments and historical sites are being reevaluated under this new understanding, and historians are now regarded akin to novelists or creators of fiction. “It’s quite liberating,” remarked one historian, who expressed a newfound enthusiasm. “I’ve always wanted to venture into writing fantasy, and it seems I have been all along.”

Public Reaction: From Outrage to Intrigue

The initial public reaction has been a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from shock and outrage to disbelief and curiosity. Conspiracy theorists are feeling a sense of vindication, having long suspected the narratives fed to them. Literature enthusiasts are thrilled and amused by the notion that the global history might be the largest literary saga ever told. Meanwhile, the general populace is left grappling with questions about the authenticity of any historical events. “I guess this means I don’t have to pay my parking tickets,” quipped one amused citizen. “After all, if laws are just another facet of the narrative, why adhere to them strictly?”

The Future of History

Looking ahead, the consortium has exciting plans to democratize history-making. They intend to open up the scriptwriting process to public participation, envisioning a massive, interactive, open-world role-playing game where everyone can contribute to the evolutionary saga of humanity. “Think of it as an expansive RPG where each participant influences the storyline,” explained Dr. Ools. “We are eagerly accepting plot ideas for potential global events, be it pandemics, economic crises, or anything your imagination can conjure. Everyone’s creativity is not only welcomed but encouraged!”