Israel Was Enthusiastic About Ceasefire, Until It Was Time to Cease Fire

In an unforeseen twist that shocked precisely nobody, the Israeli government’s enthusiasm for a ceasefire in the ongoing Rafah conflict evaporated faster than a politician’s promise at an election rally. The shift came as soon as real progress towards peace seemed not just possible, but imminent.

“Absolutely, we support peace,” stated one high-ranking official while hurriedly packing up a peace dove costume that was never used. “It’s just that we prefer it more in the abstract than in the actual.”

This revelation came at a delicate time when diplomats from around the globe had started to cautiously optimistic that this time—unlike the last twenty-three times—a ceasefire might actually hold longer than a sneeze in a sandstorm.

The international community had been buzzing. Terms had been drafted. Agreements were nearly signed. Then, in a move that surprised no one but disappointed many, the enthusiasm for the ceasefire waned as the realization dawned that ceasing fire meant actually having to stop firing.

Reports indicate that the ceasefire plan stumbled when officials were seen running away from the negotiation table, on the grounds that they had thought ‘ceasefire’ was just a fancy term for reloading. “We were all ready to go on supporting the ceasefire from our press rooms,” one diplomat noted. “Actually implementing it on the ground? Oh, that’s what they meant? That might be a bit too concrete.”

Critics of the move have pointed out that the approach might be akin to dieting while standing in a donut shop—tempting fate and carbohydrates in equal measure. Supporters, however, argue that talking about peace is almost as good as achieving it, and considerably safer politically.

In the streets, the common man and woman had their say. “We thought ceasefire meant they would at least stop aiming for a bit,” said one local resident, dodging more than just tough questions. “But it turns out it’s just a timeout to catch your breath before you go back to dodging bullets.”

As the ceasefire talks continue to evolve—or devolve, depending on one’s optimism—the world watches and waits. Will this be the moment when peace talks turn into peace acts? Or will it be another chapter in the long history of peace plans where the plans are plentiful but the peace is poor?

Meanwhile, the market for ceasefire banners and confetti remains bearish, with investors advised to keep their enthusiasm in check and their cynicism fully loaded.