By Chip Byteley
In a household coup that has stunned his family and amused his friends, local man John Stevens has declared himself the undisputed “King of the Remote.” Stevens, tired of endless reruns of romantic comedies, announced the new regime during dinner, to mixed reactions from his partner and children.
Under his rule, the TV schedule has seen a drastic shift towards action movies, sports, and conspiracy theory documentaries. The family dog, however, remains unimpressed, preferring the peaceful monotony of Animal Planet.
Stevens has defended his draconian entertainment policies, claiming that a steady diet of explosions and plot twists is essential for maintaining household morale. Critics, mainly his spouse, argue that this sudden change is a blatant abuse of power, demanding a democratic approach to TV time.
Undeterred, Stevens has issued a decree banning all rom-coms from their living room, sparking a heated debate over the legitimacy of his remote control monarchy. Neighboring households are reportedly considering sanctions, including the withholding of borrowed lawn equipment.
As the Stevens household grapples with this new autocratic order, the rest of us can only watch and wonder: will the reign of the “King of the Remote” bring lasting peace, or will it lead to a rebellion fueled by unmet desires for happy endings and predictable plotlines?
Liv N. Large