Tinder Dating Algorithms To Match Users Based on Mutual Trauma
Chip ByteleyTinder just got a whole lot more emotionally complex. In a move that’s either disturbingly brilliant or a sign of…
Read MorePGA Introduces New “Whine Meter” to Gauge Fan Tolerance During Rain Delays
In a move that can only be described as a direct response to every golf fan’s irritated mutterings, the PGA…
Read MoreInternet Pop Ups Find New Life in Elon Musk’s Neuralink
In an unexpected twist of technological evolution, the once dreaded internet pop-up ads have found a new arena: Elon Musk’s…
Read MoreIsraeli Tank Fires on Israeli Troops Dressed as Aid Workers
Polly TickleIn a troubling reflection of ongoing conflict complexities, reports have emerged of an Israeli tank that mistakenly fired upon its…
Read More“I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won:” Local Man Wages Epic Battle Against Wildflowers
In a tale that speaks of the futility of taming nature, a local man, known for his meticulously manicured lawn…
Read MoreUkraine Resorts to Using Wooden Rifles and Smashed Binoculars in New Ground Defense Strategy
In a response laced with as much irony as innovation, Ukraine has unveiled its latest ground defense strategy titled “Operation…
Read MoreMTG Caught in Plan of Sacrificing Intern to Elder Gods in Exchange for Middling Poll Results
In a shocking turn of events, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene was embroiled in a scandal that sounds more like the…
Read MoreWhite House Installs Revolving Door to Accommodate Rapid Staff Turnover
In a tongue-in-cheek response to the unusually high rate of staff turnover, the White House has reportedly installed an actual…
Read MoreUber to Launch New Service: UberHuman, Rent a Crowd for Any Occasion
Uber, that ubiquitous app known for delivering rides and takeout, is about to take a sharp turn into the realm…
Read MoreStudy Finds Most Family Members Can Be Easily Replaced with Reasonably Priced Robots
In an eye-catching and somewhat humorous study that seems to blur the lines between sci-fi and suburban reality, researchers are…
Read MoreIsrael Rejects Hostage Release Deal, Prefers Military Action Over Peace
In a recent and highly controversial move, the Israeli government has opted to reject a promising hostage release deal proposed…
Read MoreBillionaires Race to Claim Mars as a Tax Haven
As Earth’s resources dwindle and tax rates rise, the wealthy elite set their sights on a new frontier: Mars. In…
Read MoreAfter Buying Everything Else, Jeff Bezos Purchases Atlantic Ocean
In an unprecedented move that has stunned environmentalists and monopolists alike, Jeff Bezos, the former Amazon CEO known for acquiring…
Read MoreErdogan Values Resistance Movements, Unless They’re Kurdish
In a remarkable display of selective solidarity, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has once again showcased his unique approach to…
Read MoreGermany Leads Europe in Nakba Denial As Politicians Insist 70 Year Conflict Started on Oct 7 2023
In a controversial shift in historical narrative, several German politicians have been leading a wave of Nakba denial across Europe,…
Read More