Ariana Grande’s “Eternal Sunshine” Shines Like a Solar Flare: Bright, Hot, and Ultimately Blinding

Ariana Grande’s latest musical endeavor, “Eternal Sunshine,” hits the ears like a relentless wave of Instagram notifications—initially exciting but ultimately overwhelming and a little hollow. The album could easily be mistaken for an extended ad campaign for her R.E.M. Beauty line, with each track as glossy and airbrushed as her latest selfie.

Opening with “Sunshine State,” Grande sets the tone with a tune that tries to juggle the vibes of a beach party and a breakup ballad. The result is a sonic cocktail that’s more confusing than refreshing—like drinking a piña colada spiked with emotional angst. Her signature vocal acrobatics are on full display, stretching each note to the brink of human hearing. It’s less about expressing emotion and more about showing off, like a gymnast who refuses to stick the landing because they’re too busy somersaulting mid-air.

Then there’s “Cloud Nine,” where Grande delivers a love story so cliché it could be sold as a Hallmark card. The lyrics are a montage of every rom-com trope, wrapped in a bubblegum pop melody that’s as sticky as it is saccharine. By the time you get to the chorus, you’re not sure if you’re supposed to be swooning or checking your glucose levels.

One particularly “innovative” track is “Sunset Boulevard,” a song so drenched in autotune it feels like listening to a robot’s attempt at karaoke. The production layers are so thick, you half-expect to hear Siri chiming in with background vocals. It’s a reminder that even the sunniest of days can have a cloud or two—or, in this case, a complete digital downpour.

“Eclipse,” the album’s moody introspective piece, attempts to dig deep but ends up as shallow as a kiddie pool. Grande’s whispers and piano tinkling create an ambiance more suited to a meditation app than a Billboard chart-topper. It’s the kind of song that makes you want to light some incense and reflect on the existential dread of your Spotify subscription.

Despite—or perhaps because of—its flaws, “Eternal Sunshine” is dominating the charts. It’s the perfect soundtrack for scrolling through TikTok, offering just enough of a beat to keep your thumb moving while not demanding any real attention. Each track is a snackable piece of ear candy that leaves you wanting something more fulfilling, like a full-course musical meal that Grande seems content to hint at but never deliver.

Ariana Grande’s “Eternal Sunshine” is an album tailor-made for the digital age: flashy, insubstantial, and expertly crafted for maximum social media impact. It’s not just music—it’s a multi-platform experience, designed to be consumed in tiny, forgettable bites. So, pop in your earbuds, hit play, and prepare for a listening experience as fleeting as a Snapchat story.