Shein Teams Up with ExxonMobil for New “Eco-Chic” Line of Clothing Dyed with Crude Oil

In a collaboration that can only be described as a match made in environmental hell, fast-fashion giant Shein has partnered with oil behemoth ExxonMobil for an “innovative” new clothing line. The “Eco-Chic” collection, as it’s dubiously named, boasts garments dyed exclusively with repurposed crude oil, a move both companies hail as a sustainable fashion breakthrough.

“We’re turning waste into wardrobe wonders,” gushes Shein spokesperson, Penelope Polyester. “Our customers can look fabulous while reducing their carbon footprint. It’s fast fashion with a conscience!”

ExxonMobil, ever eager to improve its tarnished image, echoes the sentiment. “This partnership is proof that environmental responsibility and profitability can go hand in hand,” proclaims oil executive, Rex Rigmarole. “Who knew that crude oil could be so chic?”

Fashion critics are appalled. “This is greenwashing at its most cynical,” says sustainability advocate, Stella Sustainable. “Using toxic waste to dye clothes isn’t eco-friendly, it’s just gross. It’s like saying, ‘Hey, let’s make cigarettes healthy by adding a vitamin.'”

Environmentalists are equally outraged. “This is a desperate attempt to distract from the catastrophic damage both industries inflict on the planet,” fumes Greenpeace activist, Greta Grime. “We need systemic change, not crude oil crop tops.”

The “Eco-Chic” line itself is a sight to behold. Dresses in shades of petroleum black and sludge brown, t-shirts with artful oil slick patterns, and accessories made from recycled plastic bottles (a token nod to actual sustainability). Shein’s website promises these garments are “designed to biodegrade slowly,” presumably after leaving a trail of chemical residue.

The collection’s launch event is rumored to feature models strutting down an oil-slicked runway, fueled by fumes from a nearby ExxonMobil refinery. Attendees will receive complimentary gas masks and biodegradable tote bags (made from cornstarch, not crude oil, thankfully).

Whether the “Eco-Chic” line becomes a fashion fiasco or a perversely popular trend remains to be seen. But one thing’s certain: this bizarre collaboration highlights the lengths corporations will go to spin environmental destruction into a marketing opportunity.