By Polly Tickle
Kursk, Russia — In what might be the most anticlimactic invasion in recent history, Ukrainian forces found that their bombardment of the Kursk region barely registered amid the already crumbling Russian infrastructure. Locals, initially alarmed by the sounds of explosions, quickly realized that the new craters were indistinguishable from the usual potholes and sinkholes that plague their streets.
“We thought the bombs would stand out more,” admitted one Ukrainian soldier, scratching his head as he surveyed the scene. “But honestly, it just looks like someone took a shovel to the road and gave up halfway through.”
Russian officials, eager to downplay the damage, have also inadvertently confirmed the sorry state of local infrastructure. “These so-called bomb craters are no worse than what we already deal with,” said a spokesperson for the Kursk regional government. “Our roads have been full of holes since Soviet times. What’s a few more?”
Residents of Kursk have taken the situation in stride, some even suggesting that the Ukrainian invasion might actually improve local conditions. “At least now we might get some new pavement out of this,” one resident joked, standing next to a crater that had conveniently filled with water, creating a makeshift community swimming pool.
Despite the chaos, there’s a silver lining: Russian engineers are now using the bombing as an excuse to rebrand their notorious road maintenance delays. “We’re not behind schedule,” one engineer commented. “We’re just waiting for the next round of renovations by the Ukrainian military.”