By Chip Byteley
In a brilliant twist that only the mastermind behind the Twitter-to-X fiasco could concoct, Elon Musk is now planning to sue people who don’t even use his platform. Following his legal threats against advertisers who had the audacity to heed his own advice and cease advertising on X, Musk’s next target is anyone who hasn’t signed up for X. Yes, that’s right: if you haven’t plunged into the abyss of unchecked hate speech and bot-driven discourse, expect a summons in your mailbox soon.
The Advertising Debacle
Musk’s recent decision to sue a group of advertisers, accusing them of an antitrust violation for allegedly boycotting X, set a new standard for corporate pettiness. After telling advertisers like Disney to “go fuck yourself” for pulling their ad dollars, Musk now claims their collective withdrawal undermines the “marketplace of ideas” and is legally actionable.
Extending the Logic: Non-Users Beware
Taking his logic to its natural, albeit ludicrous, conclusion, Musk is now reportedly gearing up to sue individuals who haven’t signed up for X. According to inside sources, Musk believes these non-users are denying X the benefit of their potential ad views and contributions to the digital town square. By not participating, they’re allegedly contributing to an “unlawful boycott” that deprives existing users of diverse viewpoints.
Implications and Reactions
The response to Musk’s latest brainwave has been a mix of amusement and disbelief. Legal experts are scratching their heads, while social media users are having a field day imagining the court proceedings. Picture it: “Your Honor, my client stands accused of simply living their life without a Twitter account.”
The Future of X
As X continues its descent into absurdity, Musk’s war on logic shows no signs of slowing down. Whether these legal threats materialize into actual lawsuits or not, one thing is clear: Elon Musk is determined to drag everyone down with his sinking ship, one bizarre lawsuit at a time.
Polly Tickle