By Polly Tickle
In a move that has political analysts scratching their heads and theologians intrigued, President Joe Biden has announced his intentions to extend an official invitation to God to participate in the upcoming Gaza peace talks. This unprecedented step aims to bring a “higher power” into the negotiations, with Biden citing divine intervention as the missing piece in resolving the long-standing conflict.
“Look, folks,” Biden said in a press conference, adjusting his aviator sunglasses, “we’ve tried diplomacy, we’ve tried sanctions, we’ve even tried sending John Kerry kite surfing into the region. It’s time we bring in the big guns, and by big guns, I mean the Almighty.”
The Oval Office is reportedly being redecorated for the occasion, with celestial motifs and an assortment of religious symbols to ensure all faiths feel represented. A seat at the negotiation table has been reserved for the divine, complete with a nameplate reading “Guest of Honor.”
Critics of the plan have been vocal, questioning the practicality of inviting a non-corporeal being to a diplomatic summit. “How exactly do we expect God to RSVP?” asked one pundit on a popular news channel. “And what’s the protocol if He decides to smite the buffet?”
Supporters, however, have praised the innovative approach. “It’s about time we acknowledged that some problems are beyond human comprehension,” remarked a prominent theologian. “Plus, who’s going to argue with God’s peace plan?”
The logistics of the invitation remain unclear, with the White House staff reportedly consulting various religious texts for guidance on proper etiquette. “We’re covering all our bases,” a White House spokesperson said. “Email, prayer, even a few smoke signals. We’re not taking any chances.”
As the world awaits confirmation of God’s attendance, the international community remains hopeful that this divine intervention could herald a new era of peace in the Middle East. In the meantime, Biden has assured the public that he’s also extended invites to lesser deities, just in case the Almighty is double-booked.
Liv N. Large