Secret to Immortality Discovered: Just Be Wealthy
Liv N. LargeA new report, published in the prestigious Journal of Things We Already Knew, reveals that individuals with vast fortunes are…
Read MoreUN Unveils ‘Peace Through Pizza’ Program in Desperate Attempt to Recover World Peace
Polly TickleIn a world increasingly beset by conflict and division, the United Nations has launched an unconventional and savory new initiative:…
Read MoreNetanyahu Prepares Tel Aviv Population as Human Shield for Possible Iranian Assault
In a paradoxical twist of fate, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is readying Tel Aviv residents for potential Iranian assaults by…
Read MoreAthletes Complain Paris Air Quality Worse Than Doping Side Effects
In a surprising turn of events, athletes competing in the upcoming Paris Olympics have voiced their concerns about the city’s…
Read MoreMaduro Clings to Power to Dodge the Starvation Afflicting His Citizens
In a move that has left the world both unsurprised and disheartened, Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro has secured another term…
Read MoreReddit Teams with Russian Military for Content Moderation
Chip ByteleyIn a surprising and satirical twist, Reddit has decided to collaborate with the Russian military for content moderation. This move…
Read MoreMan Claims ‘No Time for Gym,’ Spends Most Days Stoned on His Couch
In an astonishing revelation, local man Todd Mitchell, 32, has declared he has “no time for the gym,” citing his…
Read MoreIsrael Advocates for Peace Through Assassinations
In a move that has left international observers bewildered, Israel has continued its controversial approach to peace by targeting and…
Read MoreKeir Starmer Advocates for Irish-Led Union to Fix Brexit Mess
In a bold and unprecedented move, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has proposed a unique solution to the ongoing Brexit…
Read MoreEU Hails Greece’s New Economic Strategy to Minimize Unemployment by Reclassifying Jobs as Hobbies
In a bold move to tackle rising unemployment, Greece has introduced an innovative economic strategy: reclassifying jobs as hobbies. This…
Read MoreWWE and Netflix Look to Stream Maduro vs Elon Musk Fight
In an unexpected twist that has left political analysts and entertainment enthusiasts alike scratching their heads, WWE and Netflix have…
Read MoreGovernment Announces New Tax on Conspiracy Theorists
The Commission on Presidential Debates has announced that all future presidential debates will now feature live lie detector tests, a…
Read MoreScientists Scramble to Explain Why Mr. Beast Can’t be Cancelled
In the turbulent seas of internet stardom, where public figures are more disposable than single-use plastics, one man continues to…
Read MoreTrump to Identify as Black After Car Crash Interview
In a bizarre twist, former President Donald Trump has announced he will identify as Black following a car crash interview…
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