By Polly Tickle
Any newly-formed Palestinian leadership is expected to fall under the governance of an unlikely entity: an Israeli Homeowners’ Association (HOA). This radical approach to Middle Eastern diplomacy aims to bring a fresh perspective to the long-standing Israeli-Palestinian conflict, with community management techniques at the forefront of peace-building efforts. Fears have risen, however, that the HOA is in place to manage an Israeli population that may replace the remaining Palestinians.
According to sources close to the matter, the decision came after a series of secret negotiations facilitated by an international consortium of real estate developers and conflict resolution experts. “We’ve seen it all,” one mediator commented, “from disputes over land rights to disagreements about the height of fences. If there’s one thing HOAs are good at, it’s maintaining order and ensuring regulations are followed to the letter.” Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu was seen signing permits at the meeting, and was later seen vacating the premises, with a new briefcase full of cash added to his collection
The Israeli HOA, known for its strict governance and meticulous attention to detail, named ‘Gaza Be Gone’, will reportedly oversee a range of responsibilities in the Palestinian territories, including but not limited to, land use, building permits, and community events aimed at fostering neighborly relations. “We believe that the path to peace is through well-maintained lawns and uniformly painted houses,” stated the HOA president, who has already proposed a bi-weekly neighborhood watch program and a monthly community barbecue to promote dialogue.
Critics of the plan have raised concerns about the remaining Gazan population, many seeing through the plan, calling it an obvious preparation for a new Israeli housing development. The Irish ambassador has raised questions about the feasibility of applying suburban community management strategies to resolve geopolitical issues. However, proponents argue that the traditional methods have failed to achieve lasting peace and that innovative approaches are desperately needed. “Imagine a future where the only thing we’re arguing about is whether or not someone’s satellite dish is an eyesore,” mused a hopeful diplomat.
The Palestinian leadership has expressed cautious optimism about the initiative, with a spokesperson noting, “At this point, we’re willing to try anything that might bring about peace. Plus, we’ve heard good things about their landscaping guidelines.” When asked if this is a plan for a final expulsion, the leadership noted, “our houses have been destroyed, maybe they will let us become refugees elsewhere”.
In preparation for the transition, the Israeli HOA has announced a series of workshops for Palestinian officials on topics ranging from conflict resolution and community engagement to the proper way to fill out architectural review forms. Meanwhile, international observers are eagerly watching this experiment, hoping that the HOA model might offer a blueprint for resolving other protracted conflicts around the world.
As the region stands on the brink of this new chapter, questions abound about the impact of homeowners’ association governance on the peace process. Will strict parking regulations and noise ordinances pave the way for harmony, or will disputes over holiday decorations become the next flashpoint? Only time will tell, but for now, the Middle East may be entering an era where peace talks could very well hinge on the approval of a new fence or the color of one’s front door.