By Chip Byteley
Uber, that ubiquitous app known for delivering rides and takeout, is about to take a sharp turn into the realm of the absurd. They’re launching a new service called UberHuman, a platform promising on-demand crowds for any occasion. This service blurs the lines between convenience, desperation, and a strange, dystopian future where human connection becomes a commodity.
Imagine opening the app and facing options far stranger than choosing between UberPool or UberBlack. There’s a package for aspiring comedians, promising an audience programmed to laugh uproariously at even the most mediocre jokes. Need a social media popularity boost? Rent an enthusiastic swarm of fake friends for those “living my best life!” photoshoots. Perhaps you’re craving the illusion of a packed concert audience as you belt out power ballads in your shower – there’s an option for that too.
Of course, behind this facade of customizable crowds are aspiring actors, gig workers, and those simply desperate for a paycheck and a bit of human interaction. The app promises flexibility – choose the age range of your rented companions, their preferred fashion style, and even their enthusiasm level (ranging from subdued polite applause to full-blown mosh-pit worthy fanaticism).
Naturally, the potential for awkwardness, absurdity, and perhaps even a touch of existential horror is endless. Your rented crowd starts getting far too invested in their roles, turning a casual game of chess into a shouting match worthy of a televised sporting event. Or maybe, your paid companions, hired to feign interest in your dubious hobbies, are having so much fun they forget you even exist.
On one hand, UberHuman sparks ethical debates. Is it a clever form of empowerment, allowing people to curate their desired social image, or is it fueling a culture of manufactured experiences and turning connection into a mere transaction? Social scientists throw their hands up in despair as perfectly posed park picnics with complete strangers become the new Instagram norm.
But on the other hand, UberHuman reveals a very human truth: a deep-seated desire for connection, for belonging, and for the illusion of success that social media amplifies. Whether this service is the answer or a symptom of a greater societal disconnect is up for debate. But one thing’s for sure: Uber just got a whole lot stranger, and perhaps, a little bit sadder.
Polly Tickle