Student Caught Bribing Janitor for “Strategic” Classroom Cleaning During Test
Polly TickleFinals Week at Winthrop University, traditionally a time of academic culminations and nerve-wracking revisions, has this year turned into the…
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Israel Was Enthusiastic About Ceasefire, Until It Was Time to Cease Fire
In an unforeseen twist that shocked precisely nobody, the Israeli government’s enthusiasm for a ceasefire in the ongoing Rafah conflict…
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TikTok Eyes Divine Intervention to Dodge U.S. Legal Hellfire
Chip ByteleyIn an unexpected move that has shaken the pillars of both Silicon Valley and St. Peter’s Basilica, TikTok has announced…
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Health Officials Recommend Standing Desks for All Restaurant Dining
In a surprising twist to dining conventions, health officials have made a bold new recommendation: all restaurant dining should be…
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Buy One, Starve One Free: The Real Cost of Western ‘Support’ in Famine-Afflicted Lands
In a generous burst of benevolence, Western nations have unveiled their latest aid package for famine-afflicted countries, dubbed the “Buy…
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U.S. Surprised at Israel’s Long-Announced Rafah Offensive, Pauses Arms At Last
In a stunning turn of events that could only surprise a Rip Van Winkle or a remarkably uninformed mole, the…
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