Local Man, 30, Still Waiting for His Hogwarts Letter
Chip ByteleyIn a small, rather unremarkable town that could be anywhere but is nowhere near the hidden twists and turns of…
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Republicans Declare Masturbation a Form of Abortion
Polly TickleIn a bold move that has left hands across America either clasped in prayer or firmly in pockets, the Republican…
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We Want a Ceasefire, Says Country Supplying the Bombs
Washington, D.C. — In a move that has left the world both confused and amused, the United States has issued…
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Elon Musk Reveals Plans to Host Cabaret Show on X
Austin, TX — Just when you thought the world of tech couldn’t get any weirder, Elon Musk has announced his…
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Bomb Craters in Kursk Barely Noticeable Due to Russia’s Preexisting Infrastructure Woes
Kursk, Russia — In what might be the most anticlimactic invasion in recent history, Ukrainian forces found that their bombardment…
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Exxonmobil Develops Plastic-Eating Fish to Save the Oceans
Houston, TX — In what the company is hailing as a revolutionary environmental breakthrough, ExxonMobil has announced the development of…
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