Big Pharma Announces Plans to Patent Air, Citing Years of R&D
Polly TickleMajor pharmaceutical conglomerates, in a brazen show of corporate ambition, have announced together a plan to patent the very air…
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Italy’s Migrant Detention Centers To Be Transformed Into Spas
In a stunning and apparently ludicrous move that has raised skeptical eyebrows and spa robes throughout the world, the Italian…
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Grammar Police Announce New Task Force to Tackle the Misuse of Literally; Literally Everyone Worried
Chip ByteleyA ripple of dread has spread through the English-speaking world as the Grammar Police announced the formation of the “Special…
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A Sweet Dystopia: Lindt’s Easter Egg Apocalypse
Lindt, the vanguard of velvety chocolate indulgences, has issued a stark warning ahead of Easter: the bunnies might not make…
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Ukraine Decorates Russian Oilfields with Decorative Drones
In what might be the most unexpected philanthropic move of the century, the Ukrainian Army has announced a groundbreaking initiative…
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The Great Debate: Toppings or No Toppings? Yeaster Schism Divides the Church of Crustianity
Holy Pizza Wars! Yeaster Schism Threatens to Tear Church of Crustianity Apart A theological earthquake is rocking the Church of…
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