After Buying Everything Else, Jeff Bezos Purchases Atlantic Ocean
Chip ByteleyIn an unprecedented move that has stunned environmentalists and monopolists alike, Jeff Bezos, the former Amazon CEO known for acquiring…
Read MoreDoes Your Apple Watch Get Sad When Not Worn?
As our tech gadgets get smarter, it’s easy to wonder if they start developing sentience and maybe even a hint…
Read MoreConspiracy Theorists Demand the Truth About False Teeth
They say never trust a person with false teeth, but that’s just what the conspiracy theorists want you to believe.…
Read MorePsychologists Recommend Arguing More to Improve Communication
Forget peaceful resolutions and deep breaths – the world of mental health just got a lot more combative. In a…
Read MoreHistorians Admit All Historical Events Are Just Elaborate Hoaxes
The Greatest Story Ever Told According to the consortium, the entire timeline of human history has been carefully crafted by…
Read MoreAntarctica Declares Independence, Elects Penguin as President
In a move that has sent shockwaves through the international community and wildlife documentaries alike, Antarctica has declared its independence…
Read MoreAncient Cave Paintings Proven to be the Work of Bored Teenagers
In a stunning archaeological revelation that overturns centuries of accepted wisdom, experts have conclusively proven ancient cave paintings are simply…
Read MoreThe Weather Channel App to Start Offering Relationship Forecasts
Move over five-day forecasts and radar maps, The Weather Channel App is about to delve into a whole new realm…
Read MorePhD Required to Operate New Mcdonalds Ice Cream Machines, Says Manufacture
Forget a simple instruction manual—McDonald’s infamous ice cream machines are about to become significantly less approachable. The manufacturer, in a…
Read MoreNew Diet Requires Eating Only Foods That Match Your Outfit
In a move destined to confuse both fashionistas and nutritionists, a new fad diet is turning meal planning into a…
Read MoreLocal Man Declares Himself “Lord of the Flame”, Demands Tribute in Perfectly Cooked Sausages
In a small suburban town, an unparalleled obsession with grilled delicacies has taken root, creating a bizarre and surprisingly fierce…
Read MoreTikTok Eyes Divine Intervention to Dodge U.S. Legal Hellfire
In an unexpected move that has shaken the pillars of both Silicon Valley and St. Peter’s Basilica, TikTok has announced…
Read MoreHealth Officials Recommend Standing Desks for All Restaurant Dining
In a surprising twist to dining conventions, health officials have made a bold new recommendation: all restaurant dining should be…
Read MoreFlat Earthers Launch Satellite to Prove Moon is Just a Projection
In a move that defies both common sense and the fundamental laws of physics, a group of Flat Earthers has…
Read MoreStudent Protests Homework, Cites “Forced Unpaid Labor” and Violation of “Chill Weekend Time”
In a bold act of defiance against the tyranny of textbooks, a lone student at has ignited a fiery protest…
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