U.S. Says Weapons in Israel Were ‘Only Sort of’ Used Illegally
Polly TickleIn a dazzling display of diplomatic gymnastics, the United States has declared that while its weapons sold to Israel may…
Read MorePoliticians to Wear Sponsored Jerseys: A New Era of Transparency in Funding
In a move that’s being hailed as a game-changer for political transparency, lawmakers across the globe have agreed to a…
Read MoreGlobal Leaders Agree to Solve Climate Change by 2050 or Whenever Mars Becomes Habitable, Whichever Comes First
In a landmark decision that’s being hailed as “a giant leap for mankind, sort of,” global leaders have unanimously agreed…
Read MorePence Declines to Endorse Trump, Prefers Endorsing Literally Anything Else
In an unprecedented move that’s set political circles abuzz, former Vice President Mike Pence has openly declared his stance for…
Read MoreAfter 60 Years of Debate, UN Decides to Decide If Palestine Exists, Eventually
In what many are calling a “historic maybe,” the United Nations General Assembly has overwhelmingly voted that Palestine just might…
Read MoreNations Worldwide Send Condolences to Wasps After Encounter With IDF
In an unprecedented global display of empathy, nations from every corner of the Earth have issued formal condolences to the…
Read MoreSocial Media Influencers to Be Granted Diplomatic Immunity in Switzerland
In a move that blurs the lines between online clout and political power, Switzerland, known for its neutrality and fondness…
Read MoreGOP Proposes Bill to Outsource Governmental Roles to Russia, Cites ‘Unmatched Efficiency’
The GOP has introduced a groundbreaking bill that proposes outsourcing key governmental roles and responsibilities to Russia, citing “unmatched efficiency”…
Read MoreGlobal Leaders Announce Ambitious Plan to Solve World Hunger by Misplacing Another Continent
In a bold move that has left cartographers and global citizens alike scratching their heads, world leaders have unveiled their…
Read MoreDemocrats Hope To Turn Tide on Border Security by Literally Doing Nothing
In a move so bewildering that it’s left political commentators gazing at their navels in wonder, the Democratic Party has…
Read MoreSelf-Proclaimed Minimalist’s Home Filled with Curated Collections of “Essential” Objects
In a development that challenges the very concept of “less is more,” self-proclaimed minimalist Emily has found herself the unwitting…
Read MoreIsrael’s Ceasefire Strategy: Agree in Principle, Decline in Practice
In a striking display of diplomatic dexterity, Israel’s approach to ceasefire negotiations could best be described as “Agree in Principle,…
Read MoreIsrael Officials Accuse Joe Biden of Being Hamas Member
In a stunning development that has rocked international politics, Israeli officials have made the shocking claim that U.S. President Joe…
Read MoreAmerica’s ‘Surprise’ Routine Wears Thin as Ally Ignores Ceasefire Pleas
In an all-too-familiar scenario, America’s feigned shock has once again graced international headlines as its closest ally, Israel, dismisses yet…
Read MoreStudent Caught Bribing Janitor for “Strategic” Classroom Cleaning During Test
Finals Week at Winthrop University, traditionally a time of academic culminations and nerve-wracking revisions, has this year turned into the…
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