Israel Determined to Increase the Need for Food Aid
Polly TickleIn a controversial and startling turn of events, Israeli officials have unveiled a plan to “increase the need for food…
Read MoreSWAT Team Spotted Booking Flights to Antarctica As McMurdo Station Protest Comes To Light
In a stunning development that has sent ripples through both the scientific and law enforcement communities, a team of riot…
Read MoreUS Pledges to Sanction ICC, Citing ‘Too Many Warrants, Not Enough Freedom’
In a bold and unprecedented move, the United States has vowed to sanction the International Criminal Court (ICC), asserting that…
Read MoreNetanyahu and Co. Might Be Safe from ICC for Now, Thanks to Washington’s Intervention
In an unprecedented display of geopolitical maneuvering, the United States administration has launched what insiders are calling “Operation Justice Jam,”…
Read MoreOxycontin Blamed for Decline in Lava Lamp Sales
In a twist that no one saw coming—except perhaps the most ardent of conspiracy theorists—it appears that Oxycontin, the controversial…
Read MoreGovernments to Pump Air into Currency to Increase Value
Desperate Times, Desperate Measures? Governments Eye “Inflation Reversal” by Literally Inflating Currency In a move that seems ripped from a…
Read MoreThe Pursuit of Happiness: Now Sponsored by Energy Drinks and Anxiety Meds: Satirizing the frantic search for fulfillment against modern pressures.
In an age where the quest for contentment has become as frantic as a Black Friday doorbuster sale, the latest…
Read MoreNew Charity Aims to Raise Financial Aid for the Super Rich
In a heartwarming display of compassion that would make Scrooge blush, the nation’s wealthiest elite have launched a groundbreaking new…
Read MoreNetanyahu Announces “New Security Threat”: Anyone Who Doesn’t Share His Latest Tweet
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has declared a “new security threat” to the nation: anyone who fails to share his…
Read MoreNetanyahu’s New Strategy: If We’re Losing, It’s Because We Didn’t Enter Rafah
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s recent unveiling of a new approach to Israel’s security and military posture has not just made…
Read MoreFDA Approves First Ever Subscription-Based Food Pyramid
In a revolutionary move that has dietitians throwing their kale smoothies against the wall in frustration, the FDA has announced…
Read MoreGovernment Announces Plan to Convert National Debt into a Cryptocurrency: ‘DebtCoin’
In a move that has economists scratching their heads and tech bros cheering, the government has announced a radical plan…
Read MoreProsecutors Consider Using Reverse Psychology: ‘Please Don’t Confess, Mr. Trump’
In a novel approach that could only arise from the most surreal chapters of legal textbooks, prosecutors in the trial…
Read MorePortuguese Far-Right Party to Introduce Mandatory Siesta, Cites Historical Exhaustion
Portugal’s far-right “Partido da Sesta” (Siesta Party) is surging in popularity with its unorthodox central campaign promise: a mandatory siesta…
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Study Finds 9 out of 10 Americans Prefer Their Own Facts
A new study published in the esteemed journal “Not The Onion” has revealed a startling truth about the American public:…
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