Police Issue Over 300 Citations for Inappropriate Use of Shamrock-Shaped Sunglasses This Paddy’s Day
Polly TickleIn a crackdown on questionable fashion choices and a surprising display of sartorial policing, police departments across the nation found…
Read MoreSober St. Patrick’s Day” Movement Gains Traction, Promptly Abandoned After Two Hours of Boredom
In a misguided attempt to inject a dose of mindfulness into the chaos of March 17th, the “Sober St. Patrick’s…
Read MoreFight Islamophobia Day Cancelled, Israel Claims It’s Antisemitic
The annual Fight Islamophobia Day campaign has been unexpectedly thrust into controversy after the Israeli Ministry of Culture issued a…
Read MoreRussia Introduces World’s First ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ Election
In a bold move that has game theorists and political pundits alike scrambling for their textbooks, Russia has unveiled the…
Read MoreRussian Elections Announce New Breakthrough in Predictive Technology: Winners Declared Before Voting Begins
Russian officials have proudly announced a revolutionary breakthrough in predictive technology: the ability to declare election winners before the cumbersome…
Read MorePortugal’s Political Parties Consider Group Therapy After Election
Burnt Out and Bitter: Portuguese Politicians Seek Post-Election Counseling After a particularly grueling election cycle marked by mudslinging, social media…
Read MoreMachine Gun Journalism: The New Frontier of War Reporting
In a world where danger zones seem to be multiplying faster than clickbait headlines, war journalism is entering a bold,…
Read MoreEgypt Strikes $8 Billion Deal with IMF: Plans to Invest in Pyramid Schemes
Egypt has secured an $8 billion IMF bailout package and has hinted at a shockingly unconventional investment strategy: pyramid schemes.…
Read MoreMexico’s Presidential Palace Door Knocked Down: Protesters Claim They Were Just Looking for the Bathroom
Mexico City awoke to a scene straight out of a slapstick comedy (or a particularly ill-planned coup attempt). The once-imposing…
Read MoreFor International Women’s Day, World Leaders Agree to Swap Roles with Women, Anticipate Global Improvement by Noon
for International Women’s Day world leaders have unanimously agreed to step aside and let women run the show. Expectations are…
Read MorePresident Biden Uses State of the Union to Unveil New Age-Defying Cream: Promises to Reduce National Debt and Wrinkles
In a history-making (or wrinkle-reducing?) address, President Biden addressed the nation last night, tackling two of America’s most pressing concerns:…
Read MoreNikki Haley Exits Presidential Race, Says She Misread ‘Run for President’ as ‘Run from President’
Nikki Haley, former UN Ambassador and once a promising contender for the Republican presidential nomination, has announced her abrupt withdrawal…
Read MoreStrikes Paralyze German Transport: Nation Reverts to Horse and Buggy
In a scene straight out of a history book, a nationwide German transport strike has crippled the usually hyper-efficient public…
Read MoreHeat of the Moment: Ukraine’s Drones Get Unexpected Second Life as Fuel Source in Russian Iron Ore Plant
In a bizarre turn of events, a malfunctioning catapult system at a Russian iron ore plant has led to the…
Read MoreU.S. Finally Swipes Right on Ceasefire Proposal After Playing Hard to Get
The United States, in a move akin to a seasoned Tinder pro, has finally swiped right on a ceasefire proposal…
Read More