Biden to Release All ‘Low-Level’ Murderers, Claims “No Equivalence with Serial Killers”
Polly TickleIn a controversial and unprecedented move, President Joe Biden has announced plans to release all “low-level” murderers, arguing that their…
Read MoreRishi Sunak Declares Government to Be Disbanded to Avoid Election Loss
In a move that has left political pundits and the general public equally baffled, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has announced…
Read MoreIreland to Repurpose Israeli Embassy to House Homeless
In a surprising and symbolic gesture, the Irish government has announced plans to repurpose the soon-to-be-vacated Israeli Embassy building in…
Read MoreUSA and Russia Find Common Ground: Both Denounce ICC as “Inconvenient”
In a surreal twist of global politics, the United States and Russia have found themselves in rare agreement over a…
Read MoreIsrael Declares Hamas Leaders as Jewish in Response to ICC Arrest Warrants
In an unprecedented twist of irony and geopolitical theater, Israel has responded to the International Criminal Court’s (ICC) issuance of…
Read MoreUS Announces New Foreign Policy: Sanctioning Anyone Who Tries to Hold Us Accountable
In a bold and somewhat baffling move, the United States has unveiled a new foreign policy initiative: sanctioning any international…
Read More9 Years After Gay Marriage Passed, All Ireland Now Gay
In a development that has shocked absolutely no one, Ireland, nine years after legalizing gay marriage, has reportedly seen its…
Read MoreLindsey Graham Proposes Invasion of Netherlands: “ICC Can’t Arrest Us If We Own Them”
In a spectacular display of international diplomacy, Senator Lindsey Graham has proposed that the United States should invade the Netherlands…
Read MoreFox News to Include ‘Trigger Alerts’ for Unfavorable Economic Forecasts
In a move that blurs the line between news reporting and emotional coddling, Fox News is set to roll out…
Read MoreGoogle’s Mental Health Masterplan: Wellness Days That Guarantee More Stress
Google, in a display of corporate doublethink that would impress even George Orwell, has unveiled a new mental health initiative…
Read MoreIsraeli PM Netanyahu Accuses ICC of Colluding with Hamas
Tel Aviv, Israel – In a dramatic escalation of rhetoric, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has accused the International Criminal…
Read MoreIsraeli Officials Insist Fog Operated Independently, No Mossad Ties
Tel Aviv, Israel – In a press conference today, Israeli officials emphatically denied any involvement in the recent helicopter crash…
Read MoreLocal Mom Saves Town from Economic Collapse by Actually Shopping Locally
In an extraordinary sequence of events, one local mother has effectively warded off an economic crisis in her small town…
Read MoreAmerican Hospitals to Charge Patients for Time Spent in Waiting Rooms
American healthcare seems intent on pushing the boundaries of the absurd, and the latest news suggests they’ve found a new…
Read MoreNational Library Service to Begin Door-to-Door Book Deliveries by Drones
Calling all bookworms, bibliophiles, and literature lovers! The National Library Service (NLS) is about to take book borrowing to new…
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