Therapist Accidentally Fixes Client’s Anxiety by Canceling Session for the Fourth Time in a Row
Liv N. LargeIn an unexpected twist that has left both professionals and patients baffled, a local therapist has inadvertently cured her client’s…
Read MoreDutch Doctor Shocks Scientists by Curing Death with Paracetamol
In a groundbreaking yet wildly controversial medical revelation, Dr. Hans Van Der Snuffelen, a Dutch physician, has purportedly cured death…
Read MoreParents Find Son Missing Since Start of Pandemic While Decluttering Basement
Springfield, IL — A local family made a shocking discovery this week after deciding to finally tackle their pandemic clutter:…
Read MoreRepublicans Declare Masturbation a Form of Abortion
Polly TickleIn a bold move that has left hands across America either clasped in prayer or firmly in pockets, the Republican…
Read MoreKids Sue Parents for Bringing Them Into This Mess Without Permission
Chip ByteleyLos Angeles, CA — In what legal experts are calling the most ambitious lawsuit since someone tried to trademark the…
Read MoreApple Unveils Revolutionary ‘Work from Womb’ Initiative Promising Productivity Before Birth
Apple has done it again. Just when we thought they’d exhausted every possible way to integrate technology into the most…
Read MoreScientists Confirm: Autism May Be Behind Most Vaccines
In a groundbreaking and somewhat ironic twist, researchers have announced that the driving force behind the development of most vaccines…
Read MoreSecret to Immortality Discovered: Just Be Wealthy
A new report, published in the prestigious Journal of Things We Already Knew, reveals that individuals with vast fortunes are…
Read MoreStudy Finds 100% of Humans Addicted to Breathing, Efforts to Quit Prove Fatal
In a groundbreaking discovery sure to send the medical community reeling, a new study has determined that 100% of humans…
Read MoreU.S. Hospitals Form Partnerships with Local Drug Dealers to Cut Prescription Costs
In a bold and unorthodox move to address the rising costs of prescription medications, several U.S. hospitals have announced new…
Read MoreDemocrats Plan White House Cannabis Farm to Swing Voters
In a bold move to greenify politics and sway the undecided, the Democratic Party has unveiled a high-growth strategy: transforming…
Read MoreGOP Proposes Kindergarten for Embryos
The GOP has taken its commitment to the “unborn scholar” to new heights, following Nikki Haley’s endorsement of recognizing embryos…
Read MoreVegan Sharks: Scientists Engineer First Meat-Averse Great White
A team of scientists at the Aquatic Future Lab have successfully engineered the world’s first meat-averse great white shark, affectionately…
Read MoreGoogle to Launch DNA Tests for Employees to Predict Sick Days
Google, the tech giant known for ambitious (and occasionally unsettling) innovations, is set to disrupt workplace wellness programs in a…
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Nicotine-Flavored Broccoli Proposed as Teen Vaping Deterrent
In what might be the most 21st-century twist in the tale of vaping regulations, governments from every corner of the…
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