Ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel to Launch New Fitness Craze: Dodging the Draft
Polly TickleIn a bid to blend tradition with the modern world’s obsession with fitness, Israel’s Ultra-Orthodox community has unveiled a groundbreaking…
Read MoreUK Explores Migrant Expulsions to Narnia
LONDON – In a move that would leave even C.S. Lewis scratching his head, the UK Home Office is reportedly…
Read MoreGaza’s Latest Truce Proposal Includes Bong Session Between Leaders, World Leaders Skeptical
In a bold move that has left the international community both perplexed and mildly amused, Gaza’s latest proposal for a…
Read MoreRishi Sunak Declares Democracy at Risk, Suggests British Tea Might Be the Solution
UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has declared democracy itself to be under siege. However, his proposed remedy to this existential…
Read MoreGaza to Be Renamed ‘Schrodinger’s City’: Simultaneously Exists and Doesn’t in International Policy
In a move that has baffled diplomats and physicists alike, Gaza is set to be renamed ‘Schrodinger’s City’, embodying its…
Read MoreIsrael’s Latest Strategy: Redecorating Gaza with Precision Airstrikes
The latest strategy out of the geopolitical playbook involves “redecorating” the Gaza Strip using precision airstrikes. This innovative approach aims…
Read MoreSouth China Sea Sees First Ever ‘Ship-Bumping’ Contest
In a move that’s as bewildering as it is buoyant, the Philippines and China have set their compasses toward a…
Read MoreSenate Introduces Bill to Make ‘Unfollowing’ Politicians on Social Media a Federal Offense
Chip ByteleyIn a daring leap towards what can only be described as “compulsory digital loyalty,” the U.S. Senate has unveiled legislation…
Read MoreVoting to be available via TikTok Polls in Bold Move to Increase Youth Turnout
In a bid to make democracy more “lit” and significantly boost youth voter turnout, authorities have announced a revolutionary new…
Read More‘None of the Above’ Winning in Early Polls
In an unprecedented twist that has both political analysts and satirists rubbing their hands with glee, early polls across the…
Read MoreSelective Memory Syndrome Strikes Global Leaders Following Iranian Retaliation
In what appears to be a sudden outbreak of Selective Memory Syndrome (SMS), world powers have conveniently forgotten recent provocations…
Read MoreNATO Increases Donations of ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ to Ukraine
In a groundbreaking move that’s set the international stage abuzz, NATO has reportedly ramped up its contributions to Ukraine, not…
Read MoreCorporate Meeting Declared New Form of Human Torture by UN
The United Nations has officially classified long corporate meetings as a new form of human torture. This declaration came after…
Read MoreIran and Israel Commit to Peaceful Explosions in Joint Effort to Avoid Escalation
In an unprecedented move that has left the global stage both baffled and intrigued, officials from Iran and Israel have…
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New York Mayor Suggests Marathon Running as New Transport Network
From Traffic Jams to Running Clans – Extended Edition The recent announcement by the Mayor of New York City to…
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