Santa Cancels Operations in Middle East as IDF Fails to Promise Safe Passage
Polly TickleIn an unprecedented move that has left children and parents across the Middle East devastated, Santa Claus has announced that…
Read MoreAmerican Evangelicals Abandon Jesus After Actually Reading Bible, Still Claim to Be Christian
Liv N. LargeIn what can only be described as a theological plot twist of biblical proportions, American Evangelicals are reportedly distancing themselves…
Read MoreGod Ignores Pope’s Plea for Priests
In a desperate plea to the heavens, Pope Francis has urged religious orders to pray for new priests and nuns…
Read MoreVatican to Consider Priests in Drag, in Push to Recover Community Trust
In a desperate bid to rehabilitate its tarnished image, the Vatican is reportedly contemplating a radical initiative: allowing priests to…
Read MoreHoly Sauce! Vatican Considers Canonization of Cheesus Crust, Patron Saint of Pizza
Chip ByteleyThe aroma of simmering marinara and rising dough fills the hallowed halls of the Vatican of Pizza, as a weighty…
Read MoreJesus or Chocolate? Theologians Debate True Meaning of Easter Amidst Candy Coma Epidemic
Sugar vs. Salvation: Theologians Debate the True Meaning of Easter as Candy Coma Cases Rise As Easter baskets overflow with…
Read MoreA Sweet Dystopia: Lindt’s Easter Egg Apocalypse
Lindt, the vanguard of velvety chocolate indulgences, has issued a stark warning ahead of Easter: the bunnies might not make…
Read MoreMegachurch Installs “Express Lane” for Donations, Godliness Now Available with Upgrade
In a move that blurs the line between salvation and a theme park ride, a prominent megachurch has announced the…
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