Biden to Release All ‘Low-Level’ Murderers, Claims “No Equivalence with Serial Killers”
Polly TickleIn a controversial and unprecedented move, President Joe Biden has announced plans to release all “low-level” murderers, arguing that their…
Read MoreUS Census to Include Questions on Netflix Viewing Habits to Better Understand Population Trends
Chip ByteleyThe next time you gear up for a marathon streaming session, remember this: The US Census Bureau might be taking…
Read MoreUSA and Russia Find Common Ground: Both Denounce ICC as “Inconvenient”
In a surreal twist of global politics, the United States and Russia have found themselves in rare agreement over a…
Read MoreUS Announces New Foreign Policy: Sanctioning Anyone Who Tries to Hold Us Accountable
In a bold and somewhat baffling move, the United States has unveiled a new foreign policy initiative: sanctioning any international…
Read MoreLindsey Graham Proposes Invasion of Netherlands: “ICC Can’t Arrest Us If We Own Them”
In a spectacular display of international diplomacy, Senator Lindsey Graham has proposed that the United States should invade the Netherlands…
Read MoreFox News to Include ‘Trigger Alerts’ for Unfavorable Economic Forecasts
In a move that blurs the line between news reporting and emotional coddling, Fox News is set to roll out…
Read MoreOfficial Book Club Licenses to be Required in state of Texas
DominickTexas Takes on Literature: State Mandates Official Licenses for Book Club Enthusiasts In a move that’s set off a firestorm…
Read MoreBrooklyn Apartment, Smaller Than Shoebox, Listed for $2 Million (Views of Brick Wall Included)
In a move that defies both logic and the concept of affordability, a real estate listing has sent New York…
Read MoreDublin-New York Omegle Experiment Reopens
After a hiatus marked by controversy and lewd behavior, the Dublin-New York portal has officially reopened, promising a renewed and…
Read MoreAirports Introduce ‘Security PreCheck’ for Those Who Donate to TSA
The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) appears to be taking airport security to a whole new (and highly questionable) level. Following…
Read MoreAmerican Hospitals to Charge Patients for Time Spent in Waiting Rooms
American healthcare seems intent on pushing the boundaries of the absurd, and the latest news suggests they’ve found a new…
Read MoreNational Library Service to Begin Door-to-Door Book Deliveries by Drones
Calling all bookworms, bibliophiles, and literature lovers! The National Library Service (NLS) is about to take book borrowing to new…
Read MoreHas the USA Accidentally Creates Time Warp, Briefly Reverting to Extreme 1950s Politic Trends? This Scientist Thinks So
In a theory straight out of a sci-fi B-movie, an eccentric scientist claims the United States is experiencing a temporary…
Read MoreGreg Abbott Announces Support for Terrorism
AUSTIN, Texas – In a surprising and controversial development, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has garnered widespread attention with a recent…
Read MoreUSA & Israel Celebrate “Freedom of Press Day” by Arresting Journalists and Shutting Down News Outlets
In a performance worthy of a standing ovation from George Orwell himself, today marked the nationwide spectacle of “Freedom of…
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