USA & Israel Celebrate “Freedom of Press Day” by Arresting Journalists and Shutting Down News Outlets
Polly TickleIn a performance worthy of a standing ovation from George Orwell himself, today marked the nationwide spectacle of “Freedom of…
Read MoreBiden So Colorblind, He Fails to See His Own Red Lines
In an astonishing display of diplomatic colorblindness, President Joe Biden has managed to completely overlook his administration’s previously declared “red…
Read MoreMTG Caught in Plan of Sacrificing Intern to Elder Gods in Exchange for Middling Poll Results
In a shocking turn of events, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene was embroiled in a scandal that sounds more like the…
Read MoreWhite House Installs Revolving Door to Accommodate Rapid Staff Turnover
In a tongue-in-cheek response to the unusually high rate of staff turnover, the White House has reportedly installed an actual…
Read MoreCongress Debates Installing Lie Detectors in Senate Chamber
In an unprecedented turn of events that has political pundits chuckling and conspiracy theorists taking notes, Congress is debating the…
Read MoreU.S. Says Weapons in Israel Were ‘Only Sort of’ Used Illegally
In a dazzling display of diplomatic gymnastics, the United States has declared that while its weapons sold to Israel may…
Read MorePence Declines to Endorse Trump, Prefers Endorsing Literally Anything Else
In an unprecedented move that’s set political circles abuzz, former Vice President Mike Pence has openly declared his stance for…
Read MoreGOP Proposes Bill to Outsource Governmental Roles to Russia, Cites ‘Unmatched Efficiency’
The GOP has introduced a groundbreaking bill that proposes outsourcing key governmental roles and responsibilities to Russia, citing “unmatched efficiency”…
Read MoreDemocrats Hope To Turn Tide on Border Security by Literally Doing Nothing
In a move so bewildering that it’s left political commentators gazing at their navels in wonder, the Democratic Party has…
Read MoreIsrael Officials Accuse Joe Biden of Being Hamas Member
In a stunning development that has rocked international politics, Israeli officials have made the shocking claim that U.S. President Joe…
Read MoreAmerica’s ‘Surprise’ Routine Wears Thin as Ally Ignores Ceasefire Pleas
In an all-too-familiar scenario, America’s feigned shock has once again graced international headlines as its closest ally, Israel, dismisses yet…
Read MoreTikTok Eyes Divine Intervention to Dodge U.S. Legal Hellfire
Chip ByteleyIn an unexpected move that has shaken the pillars of both Silicon Valley and St. Peter’s Basilica, TikTok has announced…
Read MoreBuy One, Starve One Free: The Real Cost of Western ‘Support’ in Famine-Afflicted Lands
In a generous burst of benevolence, Western nations have unveiled their latest aid package for famine-afflicted countries, dubbed the “Buy…
Read MoreU.S. Surprised at Israel’s Long-Announced Rafah Offensive, Pauses Arms At Last
In a stunning turn of events that could only surprise a Rip Van Winkle or a remarkably uninformed mole, the…
Read MoreCalifornia High School History Classes to Include Module on Marvel Cinematic Universe
Forget those dusty old textbooks and prepare for history class to level up with a serious dose of superhero power!…
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