FDA Approves First Ever Subscription-Based Food Pyramid
Polly TickleIn a revolutionary move that has dietitians throwing their kale smoothies against the wall in frustration, the FDA has announced…
Read MoreGovernment Announces Plan to Convert National Debt into a Cryptocurrency: ‘DebtCoin’
In a move that has economists scratching their heads and tech bros cheering, the government has announced a radical plan…
Read MoreProsecutors Consider Using Reverse Psychology: ‘Please Don’t Confess, Mr. Trump’
In a novel approach that could only arise from the most surreal chapters of legal textbooks, prosecutors in the trial…
Read MoreFDA Approves Photosynthesis as Dietary Supplement
In a groundbreaking decision that’s got everyone from nutritionists to houseplants buzzing, the FDA has approved photosynthesis as an official…
Read MoreTrump and Musk to Launch Joint Venture: Making Mars Great Again
Chip ByteleyFormer U.S. President Donald Trump and billionaire space aficionado Elon Musk have announced a joint venture that is literally out…
Read MoreNew York City to Replace Streetlights with Bioluminescent Trees to Save on Electricity
In an eco-friendly yet possibly misguided effort to save on electricity, New York City has announced a groundbreaking plan to…
Read MoreNational Spelling Bee Adds Emojis to Official Dictionary
In a revolutionary twist that’s setting the internet abuzz, the venerable Scripps National Spelling Bee has announced the latest addition…
Read MoreElon Musk Pledges to End Homelessness by Purchasing the Moon
In a stunning announcement that left both astronomers and economists scratching their heads, tech magnate Elon Musk has declared his…
Read MoreLegal Experts Baffled as Trump Attempts to Plead ‘Alternative Innocence’
In an unprecedented twist in courtroom strategy, former President Donald Trump has introduced a novel legal concept that has left…
Read MoreSenate Introduces Bill to Make ‘Unfollowing’ Politicians on Social Media a Federal Offense
In a daring leap towards what can only be described as “compulsory digital loyalty,” the U.S. Senate has unveiled legislation…
Read MoreVoting to be available via TikTok Polls in Bold Move to Increase Youth Turnout
In a bid to make democracy more “lit” and significantly boost youth voter turnout, authorities have announced a revolutionary new…
Read More‘None of the Above’ Winning in Early Polls
In an unprecedented twist that has both political analysts and satirists rubbing their hands with glee, early polls across the…
Read MoreNATO Increases Donations of ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ to Ukraine
In a groundbreaking move that’s set the international stage abuzz, NATO has reportedly ramped up its contributions to Ukraine, not…
Read MoreUS Requests ‘Polite’ Missile Exchange Between Israel and Iran to Keep Things Civil
In a daring blend of diplomacy and daytime drama, the United States has reportedly asked Iran to entertain a ‘polite’…
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New York Mayor Suggests Marathon Running as New Transport Network
From Traffic Jams to Running Clans – Extended Edition The recent announcement by the Mayor of New York City to…
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