Israel Determined to Increase the Need for Food Aid
Polly TickleIn a controversial and startling turn of events, Israeli officials have unveiled a plan to “increase the need for food…
Read MoreArcheology Team Stumbles Upon Ancient Egyptian Fast Food Joint, Finding Perfectly Preserved Falafel
Chip ByteleyIn a remarkable twist of fate, the world of archaeology has been turned upside down, or perhaps we should say,…
Read MoreUS Pledges to Sanction ICC, Citing ‘Too Many Warrants, Not Enough Freedom’
In a bold and unprecedented move, the United States has vowed to sanction the International Criminal Court (ICC), asserting that…
Read MoreNew Parenting Trend: Letting Pets Raise Your Kids
Forget meticulously planned schedules and structured activities, there’s a new parenting philosophy sweeping the nation, and it’s got four paws…
Read MoreNetanyahu and Co. Might Be Safe from ICC for Now, Thanks to Washington’s Intervention
In an unprecedented display of geopolitical maneuvering, the United States administration has launched what insiders are calling “Operation Justice Jam,”…
Read MoreOxycontin Blamed for Decline in Lava Lamp Sales
In a twist that no one saw coming—except perhaps the most ardent of conspiracy theorists—it appears that Oxycontin, the controversial…
Read MoreTeenagers Mysteriously Discover the Ability to Sleep Through ANY Level of Noise
In a development baffling parents, scientists, and sleep-deprived adults everywhere, teenagers across the globe have suddenly acquired the inexplicable ability…
Read MoreNetanyahu’s New Strategy: If We’re Losing, It’s Because We Didn’t Enter Rafah
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s recent unveiling of a new approach to Israel’s security and military posture has not just made…
Read MoreDictionary Adds New Meaning to ‘Adulting’: Just Barely Functioning
Forget paying bills on time or doing your own taxes – the dictionary has officially lowered the bar for adulthood.…
Read MorePortuguese Far-Right Party to Introduce Mandatory Siesta, Cites Historical Exhaustion
Portugal’s far-right “Partido da Sesta” (Siesta Party) is surging in popularity with its unorthodox central campaign promise: a mandatory siesta…
Read MoreInternational Space Station To Open Luxury Hotel Wing
In a groundbreaking endeavor that challenges the conventions of luxury travel, the International Space Station is poised to introduce its…
Read MoreUK Explores Migrant Expulsions to Narnia
LONDON – In a move that would leave even C.S. Lewis scratching his head, the UK Home Office is reportedly…
Read MoreRishi Sunak Declares Democracy at Risk, Suggests British Tea Might Be the Solution
UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has declared democracy itself to be under siege. However, his proposed remedy to this existential…
Read MoreGaza to Be Renamed ‘Schrodinger’s City’: Simultaneously Exists and Doesn’t in International Policy
In a move that has baffled diplomats and physicists alike, Gaza is set to be renamed ‘Schrodinger’s City’, embodying its…
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Global Conference on Procrastination Postponed Again
In what is becoming a recurring theme, the highly anticipated Global Conference on Procrastination has been postponed once more, setting…
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