Liv N. Large
Chip Byteley
Polly Tickle
DominickMexico’s Presidential Palace Door Knocked Down: Protesters Claim They Were Just Looking for the Bathroom
Mexico City awoke to a scene straight out of a slapstick comedy (or a particularly ill-planned coup attempt). The once-imposing…
Read MoreGlobal Corporations Celebrate International Women’s Day by Giving Female Employees 23% Off Work Emails
In a display of corporate feminism that’s as insulting as it is mathematically infuriating, multinational corporations are marking International Women’s…
Read MoreFor International Women’s Day, World Leaders Agree to Swap Roles with Women, Anticipate Global Improvement by Noon
for International Women’s Day world leaders have unanimously agreed to step aside and let women run the show. Expectations are…
Read MoreFor International Women’s Day, World Agrees to Pretend Gender Pay Gap Is Just a Mythical Creature
In a heartwarming display of international cooperation, world leaders have come together this International Women’s Day to announce a groundbreaking…
Read MorePresident Biden Uses State of the Union to Unveil New Age-Defying Cream: Promises to Reduce National Debt and Wrinkles
In a history-making (or wrinkle-reducing?) address, President Biden addressed the nation last night, tackling two of America’s most pressing concerns:…
Read MoreNikki Haley Exits Presidential Race, Says She Misread ‘Run for President’ as ‘Run from President’
Nikki Haley, former UN Ambassador and once a promising contender for the Republican presidential nomination, has announced her abrupt withdrawal…
Read MoreFormula 1 Teams Consider Racing on Magic Carpets for Improved Aerodynamics
In a move that’s either inspired, completely insane, or perhaps both, Formula 1 teams are investigating a radical new approach…
Read MoreStrikes Paralyze German Transport: Nation Reverts to Horse and Buggy
In a scene straight out of a history book, a nationwide German transport strike has crippled the usually hyper-efficient public…
Read MoreDartmouth Hoops Squad Forms Union, Requests Salaries in Pizza Slices and Unlimited Coffee Passes
The Dartmouth Big Green basketball team has officially formed a union. Citing exploitative practices, unreasonable hours, and a concerning lack…
Read MoreFormula 1 Drivers to Wear Capes: Because Speed Needs More Drama
In a move hailed as equal parts bold fashion statement and “did they really just do that?”, Formula 1 drivers…
Read MoreHeat of the Moment: Ukraine’s Drones Get Unexpected Second Life as Fuel Source in Russian Iron Ore Plant
In a bizarre turn of events, a malfunctioning catapult system at a Russian iron ore plant has led to the…
Read MoreU.S. Finally Swipes Right on Ceasefire Proposal After Playing Hard to Get
The United States, in a move akin to a seasoned Tinder pro, has finally swiped right on a ceasefire proposal…
Read MoreTrump and Biden Turn Super Tuesday into Super Smackdown, Wrestle for the Soul of America
In an electrifying turn of events that has taken the political world by storm and possibly rewritten the rules of…
Read MoreHouthis’ New Maritime Gardening Initiative: Fertilizing the Red Sea
The Houthi movement has announced the launch of a groundbreaking initiative: maritime gardening in the Red Sea. Dubbed “Fertilizing the…
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Meta Meltdown: Outage Plunges Millions into the Dark Ages of Face-to-Face Communication
Meta platforms (Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp) suffered a catastrophic global outage, plunging millions of users into a horrifying reality: real-life interaction.…
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