GOP Proposes Kindergarten for Embryos
Polly TickleThe GOP has taken its commitment to the “unborn scholar” to new heights, following Nikki Haley’s endorsement of recognizing embryos…
Read MoreValedictorian Delivers Entire Graduation Speech in Emoji
Chip ByteleyIt was a graduation ceremony unlike any other at Wellington University. As valedictorian Sarah Jones took the stage, the usual…
Read MoreOfficial Book Club Licenses to be Required in state of Texas
DominickTexas Takes on Literature: State Mandates Official Licenses for Book Club Enthusiasts In a move that’s set off a firestorm…
Read MoreNational Library Service to Begin Door-to-Door Book Deliveries by Drones
Calling all bookworms, bibliophiles, and literature lovers! The National Library Service (NLS) is about to take book borrowing to new…
Read MoreHistorians Admit All Historical Events Are Just Elaborate Hoaxes
The Greatest Story Ever Told According to the consortium, the entire timeline of human history has been carefully crafted by…
Read MoreStudent Caught Bribing Janitor for “Strategic” Classroom Cleaning During Test
Finals Week at Winthrop University, traditionally a time of academic culminations and nerve-wracking revisions, has this year turned into the…
Read MoreYale University; Ramen Noodles Elevated to Official College Currency
Yale University, a prestigious institution known for its rigorous academic standards, has surprisingly embraced a new form of currency: ramen…
Read MoreHistory Class Debate Over Whether TikTok Counts as a Primary Source Rages for Weeks
In a clash of generational paradigms, a history class at has been embroiled in a fiery debate for weeks over…
Read MoreDictionary Adds New Meaning to ‘Adulting’: Just Barely Functioning
Forget paying bills on time or doing your own taxes – the dictionary has officially lowered the bar for adulthood.…
Read MoreUK Attempts to Soften Image of Colonial Past: ‘It Was More of a Cultural Exchange,’ Claims Education Secretary.
In a satirical twist that seems to leap from the pages of a dystopian novel on historical revisionism, the UK’s…
Read MoreUS Introduces ‘Selective Outrage’ Curriculum in Schools, Citing Foreign Policy as Inspiration
In a satirical nod to the often inconsistent nature of international relations, the United States has purportedly introduced a new…
Read MoreProfessor Publishes Groundbreaking Paper on the Philosophical Significance of Cat Videos
In a move that blurs the line between brilliance and utter absurdity, Professor Bartholomew Fiddlesworth of the Institute for Existential…
Read MoreAcademia’s Fake-Paper Problem Solved with Introduction of ‘Fiction’ Section in Journals
In an innovative response to the growing issue of fake papers in academia, leading academic journals have introduced a new…
Read MoreGrammar Police Announce New Task Force to Tackle the Misuse of Literally; Literally Everyone Worried
A ripple of dread has spread through the English-speaking world as the Grammar Police announced the formation of the “Special…
Read MoreChinese Investment in Education Soars After Discovering Students Can Be Taught to Mine Bitcoin
In a move that would make Confucius raise an eyebrow, China’s education system is undergoing a dramatic shift. Forget rote…
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