Elon Musk to Sue EU for Falling Tesla Sales
Chip ByteleyElon Musk, never one to shy away from controversy, is reportedly preparing to sue the European Union over Tesla’s declining…
Read MoreSecret to Immortality Discovered: Just Be Wealthy
Liv N. LargeA new report, published in the prestigious Journal of Things We Already Knew, reveals that individuals with vast fortunes are…
Read MoreBrooklyn Apartment, Smaller Than Shoebox, Listed for $2 Million (Views of Brick Wall Included)
In a move that defies both logic and the concept of affordability, a real estate listing has sent New York…
Read MoreAmerican Hospitals to Charge Patients for Time Spent in Waiting Rooms
Polly TickleAmerican healthcare seems intent on pushing the boundaries of the absurd, and the latest news suggests they’ve found a new…
Read MoreBillionaires Race to Claim Mars as a Tax Haven
As Earth’s resources dwindle and tax rates rise, the wealthy elite set their sights on a new frontier: Mars. In…
Read MoreAfter Buying Everything Else, Jeff Bezos Purchases Atlantic Ocean
In an unprecedented move that has stunned environmentalists and monopolists alike, Jeff Bezos, the former Amazon CEO known for acquiring…
Read MoreGovernments to Pump Air into Currency to Increase Value
Desperate Times, Desperate Measures? Governments Eye “Inflation Reversal” by Literally Inflating Currency In a move that seems ripped from a…
Read MoreYale University; Ramen Noodles Elevated to Official College Currency
Yale University, a prestigious institution known for its rigorous academic standards, has surprisingly embraced a new form of currency: ramen…
Read MoreGovernment Announces Plan to Convert National Debt into a Cryptocurrency: ‘DebtCoin’
In a move that has economists scratching their heads and tech bros cheering, the government has announced a radical plan…
Read MoreThe Guide to Pretending You Understand the Stock Market
In today’s world, where stock market trends like Bitcoin and GameStop dominate conversations from water coolers to dinner tables, the…
Read MoreEconomy So Bad, Wall Street Traders Now Accepting Monopoly Money
In an absurd reflection of the current economic climate, Wall Street traders have been reportedly accepting Monopoly money in transactions,…
Read MoreStarbucks Introduces Conflict-Resolution Lattes Amid Boycott Buzz
In a bold and somewhat unconventional strategy, Starbucks has responded to the escalating wave of boycotts with the unveiling of…
Read MoreParents Praise Shrinkflation for Providing ‘Automatic Portion Control’ for Kids’ Snack Times
In a surprising twist to the tale of shrinkflation, a phenomenon that has seen consumers getting less product for their…
Read MoreSnapchat’s Vanishing Act: Profits Disappear Alongside Messages
In a turn of events that has analysts and investors scratching their heads, Snapchat, the social media giant known for…
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Millennials’ Retirement Rude Awakening: “Renting Forever” Not a Plan
In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through avocado toast enthusiasts nationwide, the millennial generation has been hit with the…
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