Start-Up Launches Service to Rent Your Family for Holiday Gatherings
Chip ByteleyGet ready for the ultimate holiday survival tactic: a new start-up is cashing in on family dysfunction, offering a “Rent-a-Family”…
Read MoreLocal Introvert Practices Open-Eye Meditation in Preparation for Christmas
Liv N. LargeWith the holiday season fast approaching, local introvert Jenna Harper has begun her annual ritual of open-eye meditation, a technique…
Read MoreThanksgiving Table Finally Breaks After Years of Supporting Generations of Emotional Baggage
In what some are calling a long-overdue collapse, the Johnson family’s Thanksgiving table, a 50-year-old oak relic, finally buckled under…
Read MoreOpinion: ‘The Best Part of Adult Friendships Is Pretending to Want to Meet Up Someday’
Let’s be honest for a moment: The best part of adult friendships isn’t the shared history, the inside jokes, or…
Read MoreLocal Teen’s Pregnancy Excuse Kick-starts New Religion
In a small town where nothing extraordinary ever happens, a local teen’s bizarre excuse for an unexpected pregnancy has ignited…
Read MoreNorthern England Welcomes Tourism Boost Through ‘Poverty Tourism’
Polly TickleIn a bid to revitalize its struggling economy, Northern England has turned to an unusual new industry: “poverty tourism.” This…
Read MoreStudy Finds 90% of Online Arguments Solved by Agreeing to Disagree
In a revelation that could revolutionize keyboard warfare as we know it, a recent study conducted by the Institute of…
Read MoreParents Find Son Missing Since Start of Pandemic While Decluttering Basement
Springfield, IL — A local family made a shocking discovery this week after deciding to finally tackle their pandemic clutter:…
Read MoreLocal Man, 30, Still Waiting for His Hogwarts Letter
In a small, rather unremarkable town that could be anywhere but is nowhere near the hidden twists and turns of…
Read MoreKids Sue Parents for Bringing Them Into This Mess Without Permission
Los Angeles, CA — In what legal experts are calling the most ambitious lawsuit since someone tried to trademark the…
Read MoreAmerican Evangelicals Abandon Jesus After Actually Reading Bible, Still Claim to Be Christian
In what can only be described as a theological plot twist of biblical proportions, American Evangelicals are reportedly distancing themselves…
Read MoreLocal Woman Perfects Online Shopping Cart Without Ever Making a Purchase
Emma Driscoll, 32, has achieved what many consider the ultimate zen of online retail: the perfectly curated shopping cart, without…
Read MoreSecret to Immortality Discovered: Just Be Wealthy
A new report, published in the prestigious Journal of Things We Already Knew, reveals that individuals with vast fortunes are…
Read MoreMan Claims ‘No Time for Gym,’ Spends Most Days Stoned on His Couch
In an astonishing revelation, local man Todd Mitchell, 32, has declared he has “no time for the gym,” citing his…
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Nicotine-Flavored Broccoli Proposed as Teen Vaping Deterrent
In what might be the most 21st-century twist in the tale of vaping regulations, governments from every corner of the…
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