4th of July Travel Tips: How to Enjoy Fireworks While Avoiding Your Racist Uncle
Liv N. LargeAh, the 4th of July: a day to celebrate America’s independence with fireworks, barbecues, and the uncomfortable presence of that…
Read MoreShein Teams Up with ExxonMobil for New “Eco-Chic” Line of Clothing Dyed with Crude Oil
In a collaboration that can only be described as a match made in environmental hell, fast-fashion giant Shein has partnered…
Read MoreNetflix Plans to Use AI to Inject Product Placement into Hollywood Classics
Chip ByteleyIn a groundbreaking move that’s set to redefine the streaming experience, Netflix has announced plans to use advanced AI technology…
Read MoreSupreme Court to Decide If Pigs Have More Rights Than Women
Polly TickleSupreme Court to Decide If Pigs Have More Rights Than Women In an era of unprecedented legal decisions, the Supreme…
Read MoreGlobal Happiness Index Rises After Everyone Agrees to Lower Standards
The world is abuzz with a surprising announcement: the Global Happiness Index has reached an all-time high. The secret to…
Read MoreVatican to Consider Priests in Drag, in Push to Recover Community Trust
In a desperate bid to rehabilitate its tarnished image, the Vatican is reportedly contemplating a radical initiative: allowing priests to…
Read MoreEU to Make Pickup Default Option for Online Orders in Push for Green Shopping
In a landmark move aimed at promoting sustainability and reducing carbon emissions, the European Union is set to introduce regulations…
Read MoreU.S. Hospitals Form Partnerships with Local Drug Dealers to Cut Prescription Costs
In a bold and unorthodox move to address the rising costs of prescription medications, several U.S. hospitals have announced new…
Read MoreNew Study Reveals Vegans Spend More Time Arguing About Diet Than Eating
In a revelation that has sparked both laughter and debate, a new study has found that vegans spend more time…
Read MoreHarvard Study Confirms: Harambe’s Death Behind Geopolitical Turmoil
In a shocking revelation, a recent study from Harvard University has concluded that the tragic death of Harambe, the beloved…
Read MoreLocal Man Declares Himself ‘King of the Remote,’ Bans Romantic Comedies
In a household coup that has stunned his family and amused his friends, local man John Stevens has declared himself…
Read MoreNew Dutch Government to Ban Fish & Chips In New Push Against English Tourists
The new Dutch government has announced a groundbreaking decision that is making waves across Europe. In an unprecedented move, they…
Read MoreValedictorian Delivers Entire Graduation Speech in Emoji
It was a graduation ceremony unlike any other at Wellington University. As valedictorian Sarah Jones took the stage, the usual…
Read MoreApple’s Rumoured AirTag 2 Set to Revolutionize the Stalking Industry
The Crustian Daily has learned of rumors suggesting that Apple’s upcoming AirTag 2 will introduce groundbreaking features set to revolutionize…
Read MoreFuture iPhones to Automatically Delete Neglected Contacts
In a move guaranteed to either streamline your life or trigger an existential crisis about the fleeting nature of modern…
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